Poor 5Ton. Poor, poor 5Ton4Head. The opening words were jagged and shit. "This happened to me." I sighed a little. Much like Tee-Tee's, the accent [and the hair] distracts a wee bit. Allow me to digress. I wanted to do a lost in translation post, but the accent is just... Beyowulfesque. I'm on neither Team 5Ton4Head nor Team Autobuts, but the Decepticon is making it hard on my paycheck. As Pretty Chrissy's life coach, it's just difficult to compose this busy beaver when his world falls apart more and more.

I've tried it all.
I've tried buying him glue and Popsicle sticks for easy home repair jobs.
I've tried taking him to the arcade so he can beat the fat kids at Dance Dance Revolution.
I've tried busting the windows out his car and blaming the neighbors, so he can take his frustrations out on somebody, but I think that just resulted in another lawsuit, which I cannot talk about pending the upcoming trial.
I've tried stealing Miss Jay's bowtie collection from season 12 for him, but I can't talk about it pending the upcoming trial.

About the clip... I enjoyed Diane Sawyer's facial expressions though. I enjoyed 5Ton's turtle neck sweater dress. I wish she would have worn a turtle forehead sweater dress, but there's no such thing. Deep sigh. Before you go talking shit about me talking shit about this situation, think about this: If not for this, we may have never seen The Sadist wearing a color opposite to black. Digress.

Chris, I understand The Bajan, The Barbadian, The Boogerwolf is ruining your chances at a comeback, needless to say, she needs no help because you brought it on yourself BUT... don't let this eat at you. You are the best fucking fresh water mammal this side of R&B. Ne-Yo would have you, but dolphins exist in saltwater. That's about all the tips I got thus far. Put on your tap dancing shoes and you better Leyomi splat your way to the ballroom or something. Find a route and take it. Kizzy did. I wish I wouldn't have given her that advice... Bitch moved out on me. Now who supposed to warm up my Chef Boyardee!?

Career-wise, both of y'all fucked.