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100% Cotton

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For those of you who copped a NO BITCHASSNESS shirt... Fuck yourselves in the ass with a sick dick. I woke up today and decided I was quite tired of Diddy. I also needed to get back at Fake Janice Combs for taking all my money in a poker game but that's another story. Gimme back my $4.50 Janice Combs or I'll pour Eye of Newt juice in your wig. My momma needs her gas money. I ain't playing!


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Overdue Good Shit

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Overdue Good Shit presented by The District Attorneys locking up all the female rappers

The other night, my momma had to pull a double at K-Mart so she called over my Aunt Magnesium to babysit me. Aunt Maggy completely ignored me and turned on the TV to something called "Showtime At The Apollo"... At first I dissed it, but then Teyana Taylor came out and straight ripped it.

Immejitly, I thought she was tryna overthrow my tee-tee. But of course, that's not gonna happen so ain't no need in pull out the army guns.

BUT... Teyana can kill a performance, no doubt. And that thicky chick she got dancing with her... SHE GOT A DONK! Watch out Serena! Real talk, at first I thought thicky chick was gon' upstage Teyana but I see they compliment each other. Teyana need to make thicky chick her permanent backup dancer for life.

Now I ain't usually one to sponsor, promote or ya know "not shank" somebody... but Teyana gets the thumbs up. I gotta put her on my "Dolla Menu". Hint Hint.

As for the performance?

Acapellas on the intro... tight.

WHERE YOU AT, MOMMA? WHERE YOU AT? ALL THEM MONIES POP POP SPENT ON VOCAL COACHES? WHERE YOU AT?

Choreography... in sync, on point.

WHILE YOU SO BUSY...SHAKING IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE YOU NEED TO HOLLA AT FATIMA ROBINSON, CIARA, BOOM KAT, CHILI, ROBIN ANTIN OR SOMEBODY WHO CAN AT LEAST POPLOCK?

Rap skills? Flowing like water.

MOMMA, YOU NEED TO GET UP ON THAT LLAMA, KID SISTER, TEYANA TIP AND QUICK. TALKIN' BOUT YO' CHOCHA, KITTY KAT, STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE, BOOTY, AND SAYING "PUSSY SMELL LIKE WATER" ON THE TRACK IS OFFICIALLY OUTDATED. IT'S ALL ABOUT THE SING/DANCE/RAP COMBO, PROVING MISSY ELLIOT IS STILL LIGHTYEARS AHEAD OF THE GAME.

Momma, if you don't boss up then I won't have any other choice but to disown you. Or at least divorce you. Kids can do that nowadays. And if you don't let me divorce you, then I 'll get my boy BIG TON to beat you up at Wal-Mart. He'll do it.


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I'm Mad As Aych!

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So I got outta preschool today and decided to troll the black blogosphere. BAM!!!! Fresh broke my damn heart. Putting up pictures of Lil' T.I. My new nemesis. Talmbout he got a new baby brother. Eff that! The naggah stole my Nintendo DS and took my only two dollar bill out my baby book. I had to bring it to class for show and tell. Here I go thinking, "It's safe at Buttons, Bows, & Barettes. Don't nobody there be stealing." Somebody made a fool out of me.

We gon' fight one day. Mark my words. I'ma hit up Granny, ask her to bless me with that divine power if you get my drift. Turn a couple of y'all hoes into applesauce and blind Mongolian zebras.

Think I'm playing?

My tee-tee need to stop frontin' and put some beans in that oven so I can get a new shanking partner that share my bloodtype. Meaning: a relative. I'm tired of running 'round with BIG TON. He attract too much attention. But like I said, Tee-Tee lay on ya back and let Unc get on his job. 'Cause we all know ain't nobody checking on this ONE.

SIDEBAR: Eyebrows, anyone?


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My Partner In Crime

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LIL' MILTON PRESENTS HOODRAT STUFF PT 2

So my shanking homie, Latarian Milton (Big Ton is what we call him 'round the way) stopped stealing his Granny's car but started beating her ass this past week in your local Wal-Mart.

I ain't really tryna touch on this sticky subject 'cuz my granny reads this blog and she'll beat the shit outta me if I vote yes on "granny beating" and "cooning in the Wal-Mart"... so I'ma just say this:

What the eff they evaluating his mental health for? My Pop-Pop would've just sent me to Joe Jackson's house for a day or two. I woulda stacked some cinderblocks and got hit with shoes until I learned my lesson.

But knowing my Granny, she woulda just fought back if I hit her in Wal-Mart. She woulda picked up some turnip greens and a pack of hogmogs and beat the breaks off my red ass. But on some real shit, I woulda held up for mines.

NEXT!


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