My debaucher in fame proceeds me in dog years. So the general public seems to think I'm wise and shit because of it. Why? *Kanye shoulder shrug* I just roll with the punches until they cut my check.

But I digress.

The public thinks I'm wise enough to share my insight with them even though my preschool education says otherwise. But I'm not one to let the people down! And the giftshop just went into foreclosure, DAMN ECONOMY!

So, I thought I'd answer the readerships personal questions for the time being... Or at least 'til me and the newfound, UNBLACKLISTED homie, Lil' Rock just buss up in the motherfucker, singing the Upper Room and steal my shit back, OJ style!

The very first readermail after the jump.

[CLICK FOR MORE]

Dear LCP,

I'm a well-meaning person and people seem to trust my advice. Sometimes it's my job to guide others to strive for their own successes and such. I like, thought my reputation preceded me in so many ways. My name is popping up here in my hometown but elsewhere... not so much. I've been around for some years so I was shocked to find out that I was such a small name in an vast, vast world of mega-stars. It made me feel like I was a bird and I don't do bird things. Sometimes I show up unannounced and people seem to dislike that, specifically because it's me. I tend to go where I'm not wanted. I tend to call other people out on their bullshit, knowing I have no room to talk at all.

How do I get people to respect and recognize me and mine?

-N.T. Sojourner  // New York, NY

 Well...

Dear N.T.

First off, let's just make this clear. You are a bird! For many, reasons and if I had enough time to sit down and tell you how big of a bird you are, I wouldn't finish until I was as old as you look. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU TRY TO DISTRACT YOUR AGE, with elaborate outfits.


Funny thing is, you don't seem to be starving for Hollywood limelight, but I'll be a bitchmade nigga if you ain't an attention-seeking motorscooter. You tend to be a bird, by default based on your choice of head gear... And if you really want some attention stop hiding your forehead.

Shit that big is very hard to mis and you do a nice job of covering it up. Until a specific episode of "This Season Bores Me Since You Kicked Off The Waymons", I didn't know you had a plasma screen IMAX theater dome. And no edges. Don't forget no edges, please say no edges.

To make it plain... The world liked you better when you were younger.


(Good looking out @JORIDIOR // FOLLOW THAT GIRL)