Evening, readership. You may be familiar with my live coverage of Coonfest 2K9 last year. I came, I saw, I clowned. But this year, I won't be covering it here on LCPC. I'm taking it to Twitter. You know good and damn well I talk enough shit about people already. I need to shorten my shit talking to 140 characters.  

Every now and then you gotta go in the back of that closet...

...and pull out that baseball bat. Y'all got KID FURY all riled up and ready to do the Rack Daddy across a few people's faces. Not really a few people. Just Perez Hilton. That's the cyber  homie, even if  he down for the anit-toddler impersonator cause [WOULD YOU BELIEVE MOTHERFUCKERS HATE ME?!?!] Either way it goes, we got yo' bail money under the mattress!

Readers looka here...

Every once and again an asshole, has to be a total and complete asshole. Perez Hilton [no link from me] is on his bitch rampage and accusing Mike of playing pussy, but let's see who's really about to get fucked. To quote the great Maxine Shaw: "The proof is in the pudding".

Yo' momma had more heart than yo' Daddy bitch ass.

Strip clubs are a place for women. Construction sites are usually prone to be male dominated territory. Which place was Ciara more in her comfort zone? Here or THERE? I'll let you be the judge of that and I won't say nothing bad. Matter fact, I'll be even nicer and give you a little known tidbit about lil' ol' Cici. Fact: Ciara received a diploma from the Riverdale School of Performing Arts for Boys. Indulge.

Readers looka here... every now and again we gotta salute Solo the Dawn for her triumphant coolheadedness. Sure, she pops off about anything to anybody, but she's yet to bust her spike stiletto Doc Martins in my ass via broadband connection, so I'm grateful. And to show my gratitude... I wrote her a little poem. Here it goes:

Thank you. Thank you... Thank you... Thank you.

And when I say "The Person Behind", I don't mean some unmask villain with a keyboard and newfound courage. I mean, there's literally a person standing behind him while he's at the computer... Matthew. He's currently yelling, "Finish ya damn typing, 'fore I take off my shoe, nigga!"

Ah. Another happy customer. Drive around. Come again.

If I can divert your attention away from Twitter fuckery, [Necole, Dorian, Pretty Chrissy WTH!?!?!], we gon' watch a brand new full clip. Turns out Diamond of Crime Mob Knuck If You Rock Stiletto Pumps In The Club fame will persevere. She may've went all Deena Jones on her old crew but that's all good. She gots a brand new video and I haven't watched it yet, but I'm sure somebody's titty pops out somewhere... If not, I'll be kinda let down. I expect big things from these hoodrats these days. But on the flip side, what is sickening on Diamond. Does she have HPV? She need to be tryna be one less.

 Pretty "Killer Instinct Gold" Chrissy is up to no good. I'm not one to look down upon those glorifying things they shouldn't glorify, but this shit right here... Like Musiq Soulchild said, juslisen...


Again... [KID FURY] is responsible.

The title is all the warning you get. [KID FURY] takes complete blame for me coming across this.

It's gon' take a whole 'lotta Jones BBQ and Foot Massage [Youtube it] for me to get over this one. Now bear with me. I know you don't like kitchen ass nigga made fuckery raising up ya blood sugar, but this is well worth it. If you stomach this fuckery for at least two minutes you'll see a Brandy (act like you don't see the screenshot, her). Damn. Just damn.

And Janet.

Just damn.

A while back, I mentioned that I like to get my coon jig on with the best of them, no matter how fuckery infused or nigga-made I might look while doing it. And I can't lie, I'm prone to looking nigga-made. I mentioned it in this post HERE and I've been on the hunt looking for a certain video ever since. I wanted to lace y'all with the 106 and Park Wild Out Wednesday version of it, but:

a) I couldn't find that particular video.
2) Y'all got enough bullshit to deal with and 106 and Park via YouTube wouldn't make it no better.

But since I can't give y'all the best, I'ma give ya what's left over. Here is a video of upcoming, rap sensation (in the vain of Soulja Boy-ish music) Lil' Speedie performing his hit record (in the streets of his city, of course) "Do Tha Hammer Head"

Control yourself. Don't hurt nobody tryna learn the steps.

If you hadn't heard by now, Pretty "Headbussa" Chrissy is getting all exclusive with Omarion. From the looks of things, Chris is tryna prove that even though he doesn't even really know him, he still wants to take him shopping and he isn't a lame and big shit is, in fact, popping.

But let's just call a spade a "spade" and save Omari from a lil' Heartbreaks and 808. Chris don't want nor love  you. He just saw 5Ton4Head with Drake, drinking apple juice and gin and trading Yugi-Oh cards and had to hit her where it hurts. The heart. Not the eye.

I, honestly, don't give a fuck... I just like seeing Granny all happy.


Expect this gif to become a mainstay here at LCP.

And I stole this BIG ASS pic from GREG'S playground.

...to accompany the last post. Hulk's daughter wants your frosting on her.

Don't groove too hard to it, y'all.

It's comes to my understanding, that the readership has been somewhat lacking in their fuckery intake... Fret no futher, there's fuckery afoot.

That's Hulk Hogan's daughter alright. Orange as a traffic cone with hair whiter than Jacko's complexion. Ah..... refreshing. Photoshop, killyaself.

I know the Spectacular grind video has infected the World Wide Weird a while ago, but I came across this and a pimp HAD to give y'all the business. Sometimes YouTube CAN do some good and the creator of this video needs a Pulitzer. Like yesterday!