I Wanna See The Pictures He Got!

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Mariah... Nick... I'm laughing at you. Hard!

I did a spit take and everything.

Two CDs in one slot, drew the line. I was just so outta body experience for no fucking reason at two CDs in one slot. Damn, MiMi... What kinda butterfly is you? Cut the check. I'm packing my bags and moving to Alaska to occupy Palin's chair. Until further notice.

Eminem has slaughtered and shitted on you hoes. The thing is... Nick Cannon is sooooooo wack as a rapper, there's no way in cybernetic hell he could go harder than Slim Shady just went. See, Nick grew up with a stage mom, I'm sure... How else did he land that All That gig. Y'all remember him as LaTanya and Keenan Thompson as LaNeesha. Y'all know y'all remember, "I know you didn't. I think he did" LaTanya and LaNeesha. Or is that just me? My point is... Eminem was reared with all that hate and pent up anger and that coupled with Mariah denying and shit just fuels him to cut up on a diss track.  Mariah has fucked up. I repeat. MARIAH HAS FUCKED UP!

Clearly, she done messed with the wrong non-nigga. My thing is this... Why is she denying being with Em? What's that gonna do to her career? Who is Nick s'posed to be for her to deny? Eminem is waaaaay more famous than Nick? Is that supposed to fuck with his ego or something? Only reason white people know Nick [or the reason he's getting work nowadays] is because he's married to Moo Moo. So if that's the case, then yeah... It must fuck up his ego somethin' serious.

Cut the check.

Fuck The Two In The Front

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I'm tryna figure out what ol' boy in the blue was amazed to see. My guess would have to be, he saw Sarah Palin handing out non-taxed reparation dollars and just couldn't believe it. But that's just me imagining shit again. It coulda easily been Tee-Tee fishing one of her hairpieces out of the punch bowl. But she wasn't at this STAR STUDDED event, so no bueno.


Photo courtesy of [NECOLE] and 'nem.

This'll Make EVERYBODY Abstain

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Supposedly, these teens (they don't look that damn young) got caught doing it and everybody and they momma was giving them a whooping for it... Please watch the WHOLE video. It it serious in India. Makes me wanna keep it in my pants 'til after death.

Durty Mo, Come And Check Up On It

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If you follow me on Twitter, you know I encourage those around me to INDULGE in the fuckery. But sometimes, the fuckery is just unbearable. EXHIBIT A. EXHIBIT B. I had more, but my browser history can't handle the fuckery so... But don't let me stop you, if you come across some Twitter fuckery, send 'em in! Comments section are taking applications.

Exhibit B's Twitter background is FULL of side-eye action.

Comic Fuckery

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Low Cut Caesar With The Deep Waves

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Enough hate about Momma's new hairdo. I can give you many reasons to appreciate her for not being a soul girl, 'quipped with no afro.

1. She got the Internet going nuts!
2. She reached #2 on Twitter's trending topics. That's the highest she's charted to date. No hate though.
3. Would you rather that she do something like this with her hair?

I bet you couldn't tell Frankie her shit don't stank.

4. At least she didn't do this...

Ciara, baby girl... Desperate times call for desperate... Just hang it up, already. You've had your fun. Now it's time to just go away....

Lost In Translation

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Chris Brown is back and he has a little something to say? Don't feel like viewing the vid? I got the cliff notes. Enjoy.
Hi! I'm Chris Brown. Since February my attorney thought it was best for my career if I ducked and dodged the press, instead of explaining why I did what I did and apologizing for it. Even though I wanted to do that, my people thought it'd be best if I choose option "B".

I said a lil' shit here and a few quotes there, but at the end of the day, all that really mattered was whether "Smash" landed on Billboard's Top 10 [if ever released], so no... Didn't really say anything. Not until now, after five, six, seventeen months. It's time I put my big girl draws on, to match "Tyler's Perry's Madea's Red Button down Nightgown" (coming to theaters soon), and take full responsibility. Full responsibility for what she did, for what I did, for what we all did.

I have tried to live my (celebrity) life in a way that'll make those around me proud of me and recession-proof. I was doing quite well, until recently. I lost Rihanna's friendship and found Bow Wow's. I know I fucked up, okay?!

I wish I had a chance to live those few moments again. So I can do it ALL over again and not miss a beat, and this time make sure I got away with it. If OJ can do it... Why can't I? But I'm not finna sit here and make any excuses.

I'm saddened.

I'm ashamed.

My Momma gave me a high five, because that Bajan bitch broke her flat-plan plasma screen when she chucked her video phone through it.

My preacher has been on a roll at church with my situation. There's a verse in each book to correspond with just about every joke you can come up with on this situation.

I still wanna be your role model and I hope you'll buy my next album.

Thank you.


You're Not A Sweet Dream, Ya Damn Self

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I'm sorry. I usually don't do this. I usually leave these kinda posts up to that other BLOG, but I'm getting sick of Jenny Craig flunkees and the facially unfortunate. And it's been one of them days...

I like it when people say, Beyonce never wrote one lyric she ever sang. Were you there when the song was being written? You know this for a fact, then right? Sure...

Songwriters don't need to sit down and write a song with an artist to have a hit song. They can write a song, in its entirety and shop it around. If it lands into a big name's hands, it may be rewritten. That's how said artists gets writing cred. Just because the song wasn't their brainchild, doesn't mean they don't deserve credit. If me, you, Keisha, and Shameka was all in the same science class and had a group project due and Shameka came up with the idea and Keisha came up with how we were gonna present and me and you did the bulk of the work that made everyone like it, don't you think me and you deserve as much credit for the project as the two bishes that birthed it?

But I digressed from the point altogether.

Choreographers come up with the dance routines. I don't know if they watch a video and go, "I'ma steal that bitches move, right there. That shit there shaaaaarp!"  I don't know this. I wasn't there when they birthed the idea, neither. All I know is when I saw it, I liked it, and I wanted to do something like it. Now that I think about it, I think that's how they came up with the idea for their routines. I don't know what you expect from an artist like Beyonce. I don't know why you expect her to write her own songs. I don't know why you expect every dance she does to be her own brainchild. I don't know why you expect her direct, produce, write, and hold the boom stick and cue cards in everything she acts in, neither. I don't know why you expect her sell weed, babysit, and do hair all in the same house, on the same night. Maybe you just expect more from her than you do everybody else.

This lady (questionable) sat there and said Beyonce stole somebody song and running 'round talking about she made so much money off it. In which interview did she say this? What channel? What day? What time? When, motherfucker, when!?

I need answers.

One more tidbit that kinda made my day was when she said she knew ladies in her church who could outdo Beyonce if given the same whatever(s). What are they doing that's stop them? Maybe they have jobs. These jobs may be holding them back from singing and dancing, because that's what they truly wanna do, but only get the proper showcase when they're in church singing for the Lord. I don't know. Maybe they just don't have the same drive and ambition. Maybe they never got the chance. Maybe they don't give a fuck. Like me, for example cause I really don't give a fuck.

She says people send demos to Matthew Knowles, hoping for their big break. Hmm?

Wouldn't it be something, if I sent a demo to the manager of Beyonce, regardless that he's her father. Sure, he'll listen to it and contact me and tell me how much he loves it and sort out time to see about me and mine. Sure... he has that kinda time.

HE IS BEYONCE'S MANAGER, YOU DUMBASS!!! He ain't got but a shit grip of time to himself. He is a busy motherfucker, so I doubt he has time to check snail mail that you send him. He has to sort her laundry, buy her wigs, yell at motherfuckers for for her, and watch Solange's son before he burns down the damn house. In comparison, what the fuck have YOU done lately.

Around this moment of the video, I stopped watching. Truth is my browser decided it had had enough of her shit, as well, and froze. After I restarted it, I decided I really didn't give a fuck about her and her opinions and my life would be okay if I just didn't finish listening to the fuckery.

But if you can manage to ignore the wreath she added, resizing itself to match her Gina Waters sized head, be my guest...

One of the labels was brought to you by [YOUNG SINICK]

Be Recession Proof

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Wig Crypt is now hiring.