Chris Brown is back and he has a little something to say? Don't feel like viewing the vid? I got the cliff notes. Enjoy.

Hi! I'm Chris Brown. Since February my attorney thought it was best for my career if I ducked and dodged the press, instead of explaining why I did what I did and apologizing for it. Even though I wanted to do that, my people thought it'd be best if I choose option "B".

I said a lil' shit here and a few quotes there, but at the end of the day, all that really mattered was whether "Smash" landed on Billboard's Top 10 [if ever released], so no... Didn't really say anything. Not until now, after five, six, seventeen months. It's time I put my big girl draws on, to match "Tyler's Perry's Madea's Red Button down Nightgown" (coming to theaters soon), and take full responsibility. Full responsibility for what she did, for what I did, for what we all did.

I have tried to live my (celebrity) life in a way that'll make those around me proud of me and recession-proof. I was doing quite well, until recently. I lost Rihanna's friendship and found Bow Wow's. I know I fucked up, okay?!

I wish I had a chance to live those few moments again. So I can do it ALL over again and not miss a beat, and this time make sure I got away with it. If OJ can do it... Why can't I? But I'm not finna sit here and make any excuses.

I'm saddened.

I'm ashamed.

My Momma gave me a high five, because that Bajan bitch broke her flat-plan plasma screen when she chucked her video phone through it.

My preacher has been on a roll at church with my situation. There's a verse in each book to correspond with just about every joke you can come up with on this situation.

I still wanna be your role model and I hope you'll buy my next album.

Thank you.

:)