Emptied Clip: Angela Simmons "Center of Attention"

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I'm all for fuckery and this is pure fuckery.
Y'know I was just havin' a lil' fun... Ain't nothing wrong with a lil' fun if y'know what I mean... But anyway. I'M JUST TALKIN'.
Talked through the whole damn track

Sound Bytes

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I just might bump this in my Caprice... but when people ask who song it is... I'ma tell 'em "Ion't know"... Give Wayne back his flow.

You said "What it is?" on this track and on that song you did with T-Pain. You know what song I'm talkin' bout... That Strike A Pose song. That was you, right?

Um... CiCi... my cousin Angie made farts that sounded better than this.

You Caption It

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 Y'all already be tryna put words in Tee-Tee mouth. Here's your chance to make that wish come true.

We Still Watch This, Right?

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Only thing relevant 'bout this show is Boom Kat. I would tell y'all a long drawn out tale about the time my Aunt Magnesia pistol whipped Boom Kat but, I'm hongry as hell.

Finna call Millie and tell her to pick me up some PF Chang's... she ain't doing shit else since that "unexpected" push back.

Full Clip For Your Everyday Life

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She wasn't comfortable because SOMEBODY walked in cleaning his pistol. My fault, yo.

Some Shit You Don't See Everyday...

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For serious, mayne? For serious? It's like that? Hoo banging at the mall? What the eff? Is they mad that one crew ran up in Dilliard's knowning damn well that they home turf is at the Foot Locker on the opposite wing of the buidling?

It's like that? For serious? If so... I need to get BIG TON on the horn and head down to my local mall. You can find him posted outside of Hibbet's mean mugging. I'ma be in Gamestop playing that new Grand Theft Auto. Come fuck with ya boy.

This Nigga Right Here

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Don't smile at me Monica. Do not. It's not the day. First, I came home from the playground and found my Momma cooking Ludacris a grilled cheese sammich... IN MY KITCHEN! I paid for that stove with my duckets. She ain't have a red cent to her name to buy no stove. I bough that with that MY dirty money... then I went Fresh's CRIB just to see these pics...

Where my shank at, yo? This ain't the business.

Lil' Rock, don't think 'cause you got reinforcements now that I'm s'pose to be scared. What? I'm s'pose less inclined to sneak up on you with a tree branch ready to start swinging like I'm on that juice. I ain't gon' mess with yo' brother since he young, but he can get his still dull mug skull drugged, cause I hull slugs. I ain't talking 'bout pests but I am talking 'bout laying yo' punk ass to rest.

This Shit Right Here...

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Did Bow Wow's bottom boy cut off his locks? Did it have to do with the breakup?

I don't really care, I just find it funny. O probably had a breakdown like Angela Bassette in Waiting To Exhale. Cut off all that pretty hair. HA! Tryna be like me. I cut off the mohawk after SOMEBODY started jocking my style.

I know y'all tripped when I got that cut. Right?

Bitch You Heard Him

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I have no idea what's going on. Don't even ask. Back to my coloring book.

Full Clip: Young Jeezy - I Put On f/ Kanye West

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PRESENT BY Black and Silver flags by Dereon now on sale at Target

I put on for the Wig Crypt, oppressed Creoles everywhere, Popeye's chicken aficionados, corner boys and especially fuckery enthusiasts!

What do you put on for?

While Fresh Was Busy Babysitting Me...

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...Mama was doing big things.

You just mad 'cuz she styling on you.

Publicity Love?

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So FRESH was babysitting me today and wouldn't let me use her computer to update my blog. Don't trip, though. I found her boyfriend's cigarette lighter and set the bathroom on fire. Left-Eye style. 'Cept I threw all her shit in the tub, not just sneakers. Going through her boyfriend's things, I also found three blacks and some sticky-icky so you know I had fun!

Oh yeah... Fresh had this video. I haven't been following the adventures of Terrence & Rosci, because it airs on BET and BET is tryna bring us Creole people down one nigorant event at a time so....

Anyways... 5Ton and Chrissy can move over. We got another couple trying their hand at the publicity love, BS.

Relevant, Eh?

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I object!

Y'all Know Blanket, Right?

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Ya'll know Michael Jackson's son decided to start a blog, right? Drawing a question-mark as to which son I'm talking about? Yes, the one he held over the balcony like he was finna throw a bullet pass to Randy Moss.

HIT HIM UP! CTRL + D BOOKMARK YA BOY! And if you haven't done so already, CTRL + D ME, TOO!

Did I ever tell y'all 'bout the time I met Michael Jackson? True story.... I was at a red light and I look to my right and look it is... The Pissy Pied Piper himself, R. Kelly. Somebody was in the passanger seat waving at me. I looked closer... Wacko Jacko in the flesh. Sorta. Anyways, he kept waving and was tryna say something but I ran that damn red light as soon as I figured out who he was. After about 5 blocks of pedal to the metal, metal to the floor, I arrived at my destination: the local playground.

Guess who pulls up? Micheal and Robert... talmbout some, "OH! So this is where the playground is located!" I hopped back in my Caprice and drove off into the sunset.

But be sure to hit up Blanket's spot. Don't judge him on his Daddy. Remember... I had to spend nine-months in THIS LADY.

A Millie

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Millie, who the hell told you to venture outside the House of Dereon campus? Why'd you think we bought you all them Tab soda and Word Up! magazines? So you can stay yo' ass where you belong!

You got 24 hours to hightail it back to the premises because around here you don't get the LAST LAUGH. And I know you been drinking my DANIMALS!


Back Up Homie

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I just got some good news and some bad news...

GOOD NEWS: I saved a lot of money by switching my car insurance to Dereon.

BAD NEWS: My premium's gone be sky high after I Brandy a few marks. Especially this one...

Who the eff is Lil' Jordan... This lil' "molasses mouth motorscooter" (as my Granny would say) is creeping up on my Creole and getting too close for comfort. Press play on that Dolla/T-Pain 'cause I seriously wanna know WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!?!

A golfing rapper? Damn, homie! I can't have you breaking into the business when my album "The Lil' Creole Pimp Chronicles: The Album" will be in stores soon after Tee-Tee's third album. Well, it won't be in stores at the same time as Tee-Tee's because I've learned from her previous success at shutting hoes down but still expect a track leak or something.


This niglet gotta go, I'm sorry. End of discussion.

Let Me Get A Sell Up Out Ya

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We interrupt this return of fuckery to give you a word from our sponsors:

From the people who brought you House Of Dereon, B'Day: The Deluxe Edition, The Beyoncé Experience, Miss Kelly, Miss Kelly: The Deluxe Diva Edition, Miss Kelly: The I Got Bills To Pay Edition, Dereon's Activator Spray made for Yaki, The Wig Crypt's "Ballin' On A Budget" line of wigs made from 57% human-hair 43% conflict-free yaki, Miss Kelly: The $1.99 Value Meal Compilation, Samsung's B'Phone, Samsung's B'Pager, Samsung's B'Telegraph System, Miss Tina's House of Fashions, Kizzy's wig at Solange's wedding and Fire Engine #5 Red lipstick comes the new "Lil' Creole Pimp's Creole Dictionary"...

Never before seen and not sold in stores, the LCPC Creole Dictionary is a collector's item like no other. Why should we continue to plug this product? You've had enough time to get your checkbook out by now.


Use only, credit, debit, check, and/or money order. No CODs. No IOUs. No cheeseburgers in brown paper bags.

I'ma Put You On My Team

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We interrupt this brief hiatus to give you the business....

Teyana Taylor... strong jaw or not... I'ma put you on my team one of these days. You heard 'bout me and Zahara, Teyana? I dumped her. Yep. Somebody  got a flick on YouTube of ya boy getting down with them bootylicious girls at the Esscence Music Fest like it was Freaknik. She was tryna throw shade on my game, rolling her neck and pointing her finger and click her tongue. She got WAY outta line. Shit, I drove my Momma all the way to Esscene Music Fest on my bike and I was gonna have fun like or not, Zahara. But anyway, Teyana, what's the deal? You gon' come fuck with your boy or not?

We ain't gon even talk about my Momma and her highlighter legs.


Message From The Management

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Readers looka here...

Every now and then we gotta go through shit in our lives that makes it tough to keep up with the things that REALLY matter. Like impersonating a toddler whose main job is immortalizing fuckery and guarding the Wig Crypt.

I'm sorry that I haven't been able to post on the daily like you and I both want but life is so hectic right now. Ups and downs. Smiles and frowns. Shit like that. I know y'all been checking in to see what gifts Baby D left overnight because according to Site Meter, readership has GROWN even though I've been absent. I hate to tell ya but I wouldn't expect a post in the near future at all. Yep. It's like that.

I do appreciate the love and the hate that keeps popping up in the inbox. I also appreciate the fact that y'all still drop by, fingers crossed fondling ya nuts hoping for a new post. Hopefully I can get back in the swing of things but until then pray for a pimp.

Weekend Bullshit

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Full Clip: Lil' Wayne - "A Milli"

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sponsored by The Not Shit Coporation

Sorry about the delay y'all... but Wig Crypt production is down 64% this week. With Kizzy, Millie & Momma tryna get they shine on, I been stuck looking for their temps. And until I can replace 'em, I gotta make it do what it do. Granny told me, "Get that shit done any way you can or I'MA SLAP FIRE from your ass."

If I gotta work another shift by myself though, I'm shooting that motherfucker up. Real talk. Coarse ass wigs ain't easy to brush.

Notice how I didn't say anything about the video? Yeah... don't play it. It's severly not worth it. I did notice that Cousin Angie is Wayne's dread wrangler. That explains her abscense as of late. This nigga already got a styrofoam cup holder. He don't need Angie. Get that nigga wearing the shirt that reads "NOOSE" to fix your hair Wayne. Or at least Baby. Hugging that nigga TOO hard, don'tcha think?