In Case You Care... Drake & Nicki Cover XXL

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I don't know, but XXL has Drake looking like Obama found a way to procreate with Bruce Willis. The Black Sarah Jessica [self-proclaimed, I don't coast sign] and labelmate The Actor Formerly Known as Aubrey Graham cover May's XXL after being passed up for the Freshmen cover last year, according to STREET ANTHEM. And this shit...

The end is nigh.

Why Does Ron Artest Cry For Mike?

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...this may be why. You can hate, but you know I love it. I admire the way he was texting his juvie and handling his Newport. His skill set is on some District 9 shit. You jealous? His parents proud. Be mad all you won't. Matter fact, today in school ['cuz I'm all up in the kindergarten nowadays] some broad sitting a few seats away from me was coloring and a pack of Kools fell out her fanny pack. The teacher wanted to scold her and shit talmbout the dangers of smoking. I told her "Don't save her. She don't wanna be saved. Let that guh smo'!"

She let me bum a square by the slide at recess. She ugly, though, so I ain't finna holla.

Grade A Fuckery

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Props to @LADYW87. No words are needs.

Isis, The Child Fucker, Strikes Again

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Her voice grinds my gears. By the looks of it, I'm positive somebody already hit her in the pussy with a hot oven rack. Explain her voice. I'd like to start off by saying no shit Young Money is broke. Who has done something besides Wayne? And Drake MAY have DeGrassi money but who was really making dollars over there? I mean he was still living in the basement at his mom's moms or whatever. Besides, Jori, Maui and nem been called that whole "Young Money's roster all sleep in the same bed" thing so...

But I esoterically digress. My real point is, if they so broke then why you fuck all of them? After fucking the first two brokies, clearly the first thing she thought was I gotta get some mo' of this famous broke dick. This apartment is a goldmine of famous broke dick that I must have! MUST!

Where are her eyes? Why she bragging about being paid after fucking Weezy? She bragging like she just invented prostitution.

About Lil' Twist:

The Carter Documentary released last year. I have it on my iPod. Yes, I watched. It was interesting. I'm sure I saw Lil' Twist in that joint. Weezy and co were telling some sort of dirty jokes to each other and Lil' Twist laughed at it. Surprised that Lil' Twist's young ass understood the joke Wayne asked how old was he. I'm POSITIVE I heard 15. I will rewatch it soon to confirm. I don't know when this was filmed, but it took place around the recording of The Carter III which dropped in '08. Now let's do some math. If he was 15 then and if two years have passed, he's 17 now depending on his birthday. So he's at least 16. If so, she fucked a 16-17 year old which may not be TOTALLY immoral but... I've argued this point already. Why beat a dead horse?

She is sad. Education is vital. If you look up to her, applaud her, wanna fuck her, etc... Don't cross the street. Go down the block.

: )

Stop Acting Like Beyoncé Stole Your Man And Your Biscuit

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There's been alotta tough talk and shade thrown about this Window Seat video. I didn't see Beyonce or Lady Gaga in this video not nahn second of it. Why y'all keep bringing they name up then? I swear I've seen the phrases "Window Seat" + "Beyonce" + "Gaga" in the same sentences since this shit dropped. Bee. Aye. Dee. You. That's how you spell Badu. Obviously y'all thought it was spelled B-E-Y-O-N-C-E-ampersand-L-A-D-Y-SPACEBAR-G-A-G-A, 'cause all I see in this tower of greed is Beyonce & Gaga and Window Seat this and that.

These instances where this has happened are all comparisons where people down the hype around the Telephone video in favor of any another video. Not saying Telephone was the Holy Grail. Not knocking Erykah's vid at all. It would be fair though since all y'all do is knock the shit I happen to favor and I'm not even big on Gaga. I don't know shit 'bout her or her music, so miss me with that argument.

Y'all wanna say shit like "Window Seat puts "insert Beyonce, Lady Gaga or a Beyonce & Lady Gaga video here" to shame." Why? I don't know. I feel like it's just bias, because Erykah is so real. Erykah keep it funky. Erykah is not a bad influence on today's youth. Erykah is a sister! Erykah ain't fake.

How y'all felt when you found out Bag Lady's dreads were just a wig?

Pick up your face. I wanna see the expression on it for this next segment. I just wanna point out a hypothetical outrage surrounding this Window Seat video if it were by Beyonce so here goes nothing.

If Beyonce Would Have Done the "Window Seat" video.

1. "Inspired by Matt & Kim"

"Kim must be Mathew's next baby mama."

"Kim is Kelly's momma, The Real Housewife of Hadley. "

2. Pulling up in the classic car.

"She can't even afford some new shit."

"She need to give Jay-Z his car back. Broke bitch."

"I'm surprised the bitch can park."

"Why she ain't got no rims? Bitch know she can afford some rims."

3. "A Story by Beyonce Knowles"

"Why her last name ain't Carter? Fake ass marriage."

"She don't acknowledge her marriage with Jay-Z because she don't love him. Sad. Poor Jigga."

"Story? Who is this bitch? Mother Goose!?"

4. Stray observations from the 35 second mark until.

"Why this bitch got on a trenchcoat? Winter over, ho?"

"She look like a hobo."

"Where her wig at? She need to keep that shit on at all times."

"Don't leave that jacket there. Solange need those hand me downs."

"She done took her shoes off and threw 'em. What if she woulda hit that white lady in red?! Irresponsible bitch!"

5. Stray observations from the 2 minute mark until.

"She look terrible without makeup. She is influencing the young girls to walk around looking like that!?"

"She took her damn shirt off in front of the kids!? WHORE!"

"Tina didn't raise her right."

"Took her pants off. Somebody go pick up her butt pads!"

6. Stray observations from the 4:30 mark until.

"This bitch is streaking! She should be arrested!

"Ha! Somebody shot her ass!"

"Keri Hilson did it!"

"She reading this script sounding like a 3 year old."

"She cannot act. She obviously isn't dead."

"You see how she fell? So fake."


"There wasn't a single airplane in this. Why it's called Window seat?"

"There go the wig. I knew there was a wig coming. Superfreak!"

"None of this made sense. Just like her."

"Dumb ass video. Dumb ass Beyonce. Dumb ass."




Music snobs: Erykah is asking for a window seat, but there aren't any passenger on Camel Shepherd's plane.

Post title brought to you by @YOUNGSINICK

Weekend Update

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The devil has been busy all week long. This by no means top what's happened so far, but.... Just click it. Just do it. I hate you @BELLABOSS for alla this. Chama lives.

Have A Seat On The Davenport & Let Me Tell You A Stirr.

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...or you can sit Indian style on the rug.

Once upon a time there was a scoundrel named Freshicca Sarah Parker. She was a scoundrel in many ways. Not only did she keep it real, like the young folks say, and crunk, like the niggas say, not only that... but she was funny. She sat at the cool kids table and most of the young girls and gays looked up to her. The male bloggers who posted about how they wanted they dick sucked by whimmints liked her, too, but they respected her because she could jones on them to teras. 

She once told a funny story. Its over there on the bookshelf:

There was this other scoundrel.... The Creator Behind Beyonceitis, who was a scoundrel with the vigor. He wasn't in with the crowds. He didn't parking lot pimp with the rest of them (Twitter). He didn't put his self out there like some hoes (I won't be messy). But he kept it real, like the young folks say. He would tell us about Beyonce and how we should respect her and abide by her rules until further notice. Beyonceitis brought the funny, the truth, and was the predecessor to EVERY FUCKING BODY and they momma on the Internet tryna be funny. Some of y'all, me at times, are just regurgitating shit he's said. When he said it, it was funny. When you say it, I pray for your social life. 

He told a story that you may find funny too. It's over there on my desk. I was just reading it the other night:

I don't know whether Fresh or Beyonceitis called Daniel "Julez" Smith II "Lil' Creole Pimp" first, during a time where he was known only as Baby Daniel. I don't know. I don't remember. I wasn't keeping count. I didn't know it'd be so important three to four years later. My bad! All I know is it was funny as fuck!

These two posts I linked you to exhibit some type of fuckery involving Baby Daniel being a hard up badass who sells drugs [vitamins] and owns a tazer. That pwns all that shit you knew before you read humor blogs. Yes, pwns. A month before that Beyonceitis post I linked you to, I started The Lil' Creole Pimp Chronicles.

It's a quick story that I know by heart, so I'll just tell it to you right quick:

It was a parody site in the same vein as Fake Janice Combs. I see you are already getting up to go see who the hell she is. Her story is right here:

You know how I say (tweet) Tee-Tee. You ever go "who the hell?" That's Beyonce. Uncle Joe? Jay-Z. Cousin Angie... if you didn't understand who Cousin Angie was please please please, I beg of you, unfollow me. Stupid is contagious in the springtime. And of course, Solange is "my mammy".

._. I'm not enthused either.

You get the picture. Now, here's what happened next. Solange found out I was using her babychile as a base for a fake, fictional, totally joking dude type thing but it didn't resonate well on the homefront. Solange called Beyonce, Michelle, and Angie and they brought that Chevy to a real slow creep but left Kizzy ass at home because she can't do shit right. Basically, at certain times Blogger wouldn't let me post. My Creole Pimp Gmail account would sometimes be suspended! My Photobucket account... unscathed.#kanyeshrug.

I slowly chilled out with the whole running gag of "I'm Solange's bratty, cussaholic, son and I hate that bitch". I didn't stop completely but... After reading one of her Okay Player posts about liking "some blogs OTHERS NOT SO MUCH" and seeing her act up on the news about Jay & Bey, I decided I didn't wanna fuck with her. I have this debilitating fear that she's gonna catch me in the Wal-Mart produce aisle, picking some greens for my momma and turn her buggy over on my ass. Matter fact, when I see a small, beige curly haired boy in Wal-Mart, I get scared. My 10 year old cousin's best friend looks JUST. LIKE. BABY. DANIEL. I think it's him. I'm scared of him. He HAS to be a sleeper agent.

But I digress.

So now you probably understand why Solange blocked me on Twitter. Or why Beyonce wrote Ring The Alarm. Or why Chris Brown hit Rih... no. No. Irrelevant. 


Deuces Motherfucker!

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One YAASS! Two YAAASS! Gosselin YAASSS! Duggar YAASS! The healthcare bill done passed and now we can rejoice. Not only can you afford that new hip to continue your #hoshit escapades, but you can get rid of Rush Limbaugh -FINALLY!! Before you go tap dancing in public get a load of this:
Recently, a number of interesting things happened. First, Rush Limbaugh said on his radio show that if the Healthcare Reform Bill passed, he would go to Costa Rica. Second, the Healthcare Reform Bill passed. As you can imagine, this has made a number of people very excited. We are among that number. We want to make sure that Rush is able to make good on his promise, and so we've made this website.
If you got a PayPal account and a dollar then you, too, can help rid the States of hate. Just one dollar a day will feed a hungry child in Africa. Ten will go towards relief in Haiti, Chili, and other places Pat Robertson don't fuck with. Donate to them FIRST then just ONE easy payment of one dollar will get Rush Limbaugh the fuck outta here.

I came across this site and cried. I cried like Jesus. I didn't cry when Obama was declared President-elect because God told me a change was gon' come. I knowed this. But we can finally get rid of Rush which is one less Republican and that makes me cry like everybody at the end of Precious. I'm just so fucking happy.


You think I'm playing? HURRY UP AND BYE!

Sham Fucking Wow

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1. How does your teen owe you thousands of dollar?
2. ...hottie blink... ...hottie blink...
3. Peep how the newscaster said "real court" throwing shade to TV court.
4. Still wanna have kids?

Full Clip: Burn Down Hot Topic

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Ellen DeBieber, you wish.

South Park took a stab at debunking the whole vampire, Twilight BS and mixed it with some gothic shit [Google it] and it was quiet amusing. But not nowhere near the live action rendition. Watch it all the way through. There's Affirmative Action in action during the dance break. Yes, even gothic kids have dance breaks. Pussycat Dolls, eat your hearts out.

The Black Marge Simpson

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...wouldn't even start to describe this shit right here.

The homie, who shall remain nameless because I fear she will be shanked by one of these project chicks in the pic, sent me this after she returned from her night of fun and festivities at the Plies concert. My granny was there because according to the people behind Beyonceitis, Plies is my supposed to be step grandaddy. Granny nasty, but I digress. More after the jump.

The Secret Life of Bees

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For a minute, I thought I was watching one of them Showtime movies that's all deep and low budget. Why hasn't Kola penned the novel "Nigger Stock" yet? I read the manuscript. It was great. Felt like Dylan spit his hot fyuh all across the pages. Digression.

If you don't know the story of Kola Boof, grab some snacks, click play, and seethe.

The World Is Not Safe

Lil' Creole Pimp Filed Under: Tags: , , long as no one's stopping villains such as 5Ton4Head. I haven't really been the same to her since "it" happened. Mainly, because she's the homie at the Creole HQs now with her and my Granny trading Pokemon cards, hair recipes and disses like old chums. But this... THIS? This super villain costume isn't to be ignored. We shall not sit idly by. Where's Spider-Man?!


Al B Sure Niggas vs Al B Sure Niggas

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Michael Jackson is a prophet and I respect him entirely, but he's gone to the greater good. That's sad and all but now not nahn Jackson is in my way of taking over the world. Especially since Jermaine's Oil of Olay seed are busy taking each other out. Jafaar snuck up on Jermastey from the blind side like Cheaters! And cussed! Simpletons

Cut the check via RHYMES WITH SNITCH.