I Broke Twitter

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That's right. I broke Twitter. Twitter is missing something nowadays, isn't it? You think it don't you? Welp!!!! It wasn't shit to begin with.

Before we kick things off understand, this is not a sign that I shall be returning to the tweets. OR IS IT!? This is not a sign that I miss the tweets. OR IS IT!? This is not the final goodbye. OR IS IT!? This is not, I repeat, not me telling you I'm coming back. OR IS--- NO IT'S NOT!

To acknowledge all myths and theories, there was no one reason or action or event or person that made me wanna quit Twitter. To be honest, it was all of you and everything. As a whole, the side of the tweets we live on is now a big ol' pile of shit. It got messy. It got very territorial. It got very stake-claimy. Everybody wants to be the very best like no one every was. Truth of the matter is we're just ordinary people. We don't know which way to ho. (Yes, ho). It got very judgmental. I'm one of those people. I judge the shit outta people knowing I don't want to be judged. When I attempted to pull back and tried to be non-judgy I noticed how judgy we, me included, all were. Caution: The blogger you see here is a professional (SHIEEEET). Do not use the word "judgy" at home/in public, as it is not a real word. Twitter turned into a whole bunch of things that I don't really recall since I'm not facing them everyday anymore.

You may wonder why am I writing this? I'm not saying I owe this to anybody, but I'ma tell ya like a pimp... ION'T OWE YALL SHIT! But the abrupt manner in which I packed up and chunked the deuce was kinda... Shit I don't know.  Don't even make me lie. (If you find yourself thinking "This motherfucker is rambling!", I find myself replying "Ain't shit new". This is how I does.)

I just left because it felt right.

I wanted to leave at a time no one would notice right away. It was 2AM/3AM on a Thursday night. Y'all niggas were all somewhere getting pregnant. It was all good.

If you weren't paying attention like you claim you were, I had been at the point where I just didn't gibbapuck. Don't take that heart. You know I love you. A few of you. Very few. Almost none of you. You know this. You know I love you. I just stopped giving a fuck. I still don't. With the way things had gotten, I felt like it was time to hit the old dusty trail and head back to where I'd come from.

This is the part of the show where I acknowledge a few people and shit. Parents, your children should leave the room now. Princey, make Gordy leave the room.


Shug Avery. I never ever ever ever intended what went down between the two of us to happen. We have said what we said and that was that. If it coulda been squashed, it shoulda been squashed. It really should have. But that's crying over spilled Koolaid now, huh?

Drew Sidora. You fucked your career up. It was so promising. Here you are with the role many die for: A Wayans Bros movie. It basically set you up for greatness. You were THIS close to a Daytime Emmy at least and what you do? You play yourself. Figuratively but not really. That role on The Game. Deep sigh. NO ONE KNOWS YOU'RE A REAL PERSON! Up until the point you searched your name on Twitter and @replied whomever brought you up, they thought you were a  fictitious character. But since you and the character version of yourself you played have the same name, everyone thinks you basically played yourself. And if you think about, you played yourself. You play yourself and you played yourself.

Zindzi. Why do they call you Ye?

Ricky. I had some Church's recently. The peppers came in a cup. Not a bag.

Select NT affiliates. :hat.

Sherri Shephead. 8. That's what it looks like. Get on that.

Kyle. I always wanted to quizbowl you on College Hill. It felt tacky, though, so I never attempted.

New York. I'll never live there. Fuck what Alicia said. "There's nothing you can't do." And I won't attempt. NYC just ain't my type of hype. AND I SAID IT!

Lunchables. :hat.

Jori with regular hair. :shoe

Swaggerjackery. If I ever used a bit of slang you created, used your style, jocked your steelo, or took somethin' you said and ran with it.... Thank you.

Favorites. If you favorited something I said and find yourself upset that I deleted the account and you can't access said favorite, tough titty. If you can't quote it off the top, asbestos, it wasn't so near and dear now was it?


I'm done... Gordy may return now, Princey. It wasn't all that brutal. I just wanted to point out how you run Gordy.

A lot of you wonder if I'm gonna come back under a new name. I don't plan on it. I left Twitter to get away from Twitter. Coming back would defeat the purpose. Not saying I don't lurk. I just don't wanna be in the mix for lack of better words. It's 4 in the fuckin' morning. I'm tired, Ms Rain. We can finish this shit later.

Management out.

On Sundays We Jig To Pony

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You love her, don't you? Ain't she just the nipple on the titty? If her dancing don't tug at your heartstrings, then the shrine of photos in her mirror has to. It just has to!

If you do nothing else with your life, check out DANCING ALONE TO PONY. @kanYebreast did the Lord's work by linking me to it early this morning.

Random Rant

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Just an observation really...

Can we ponder on the fact that 50 Cent looks like... well, I think, Abra, Kadabra, and Alakazam. Drawing blanks?

No? Not really?
Still don't see it?
How bout now?

It's just me, right? He really doesn't look like a Pokemon, right?

A Bruh Moment

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I didn't do my annual Mother's Day post for Solange. Before you new readers get all up in arms, it's not a post from "Julez" to Solo. It's a post from The Management aka Person Behind The Pimp thanking Solange for being an awesome from what we can see and not making us shut this site down, suing in the process.

I don't know why I didn't make the post. I said I was gonna do it and Mother's Day came and left and I'll be damned... No post. If you're Solange and if you're reading this... Sorry. I like your hair, though. If you're from the Creole Camp and you're reading this, Hottie blink. Why are you here? Are they paying you? I'm willing to trick for a few dollars myself...

But I digress.

The point of this post and why it has to do with Mother's Day is this... Quincy Jones, Al B Sure Nigga With The Hair All Wavy Junior, made a Global Grind post about Mother's Day and his ratchet ass lifegiver/attention whore mom. Being an attention whore himself, I'm sure they get along wonderfully and that's where the love continues because they have the same ambitions of being famous by association. That MUST be why they are so weird together. Because... This shit right here...

I chose to express my love and devotion to my Mother, not only by presenting her with gifts and verbal means of appreciation, but by sharing my LOVE for her with the WORLD; A KISS!

Mother son kisses are harmless. But at a certain age, you and your child have to stop making out in public.

First off, this was a big juicy looking kiss. Both them closed they eyes. I may be looking way too much into it, but this pic is not-- It's on some different color shit.

Say it with me: BRUH!

Dickriding Obama

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If you want the ringtone, the MP3 is right HERE. I do it cuz I love ya

Family Biz: I'm Rich, Bitch ! HONK HONK!

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And I will live [richer dinna mug] until I die:
Matthew Knowles, the manager and father of the pop star Beyoncé, is not the kind of guy who needs a handout from Uncle Sam. His daughter and her husband, the rapper Jay-Z, are reportedly worth $265 million, his record company has sold 200 million albums, and his investments include an entire city block near downtown Houston.  Even so, Knowles is in linefor a lucrative taxpayer-backed bailout. A federally-funded disaster relief program is set to purchase his home in Galveston, Texas, which was rendered nearly worthless by damage from Hurricane Ike, for something close to its original value: A cool $425,000. 

Bruh. We done made it! Before you start talking shit, look at your wallet, now look back at me, now look at your wallet, now back at me. 400Gs sound good right about now? Thought so.

You can be rich all your life and not be shit and a half, but when Uncle Sam is throwing dollars at you like some kinda strip club bitch, you have made it! In the words of Yung Eli, we did it. Tee Tee passed on her cut of the bailout, because she got VVS cuff links and her bag match the color of her nails and she sick and filthy of being so damn loaded. This here is chump change to her. Mo' beef for us! I'm five and the most expensive thing I buy is the two pound bag of Twizzlers so I say, HERE! HERE! And Momma can finally pay the rent without having to pawn another wig Tee-Tee handed down to her, decreasing its value! 

Of course, the first born gets the first cut so Kelly wins this time, but I'ma get my cut before Nixon gets his so BAM!

I Wanna Be One Less

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You must reach the 2:10 mark. You CAN'T fast forward. You have to watch it all the way through to get the full effect of this video. Get past the spoken word. Get past the sticky bun hairpiece. Get past the Rihanna singing "Hero" at the talent show vocals. Get past the Master Splinter face. Get past the fact that she's a baby chile. JUST PLEASE watch it all the way through!

In Case You Care... Drake & Nicki Cover XXL

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I don't know, but XXL has Drake looking like Obama found a way to procreate with Bruce Willis. The Black Sarah Jessica [self-proclaimed, I don't coast sign] and labelmate The Actor Formerly Known as Aubrey Graham cover May's XXL after being passed up for the Freshmen cover last year, according to STREET ANTHEM. And this shit...

The end is nigh.

Why Does Ron Artest Cry For Mike?

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...this may be why. You can hate, but you know I love it. I admire the way he was texting his juvie and handling his Newport. His skill set is on some District 9 shit. You jealous? His parents proud. Be mad all you won't. Matter fact, today in school ['cuz I'm all up in the kindergarten nowadays] some broad sitting a few seats away from me was coloring and a pack of Kools fell out her fanny pack. The teacher wanted to scold her and shit talmbout the dangers of smoking. I told her "Don't save her. She don't wanna be saved. Let that guh smo'!"

She let me bum a square by the slide at recess. She ugly, though, so I ain't finna holla.

Grade A Fuckery

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Props to @LADYW87. No words are needs.

Isis, The Child Fucker, Strikes Again

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Her voice grinds my gears. By the looks of it, I'm positive somebody already hit her in the pussy with a hot oven rack. Explain her voice. I'd like to start off by saying no shit Young Money is broke. Who has done something besides Wayne? And Drake MAY have DeGrassi money but who was really making dollars over there? I mean he was still living in the basement at his mom's moms or whatever. Besides, Jori, Maui and nem been called that whole "Young Money's roster all sleep in the same bed" thing so...

But I esoterically digress. My real point is, if they so broke then why you fuck all of them? After fucking the first two brokies, clearly the first thing she thought was I gotta get some mo' of this famous broke dick. This apartment is a goldmine of famous broke dick that I must have! MUST!

Where are her eyes? Why she bragging about being paid after fucking Weezy? She bragging like she just invented prostitution.

About Lil' Twist:

The Carter Documentary released last year. I have it on my iPod. Yes, I watched. It was interesting. I'm sure I saw Lil' Twist in that joint. Weezy and co were telling some sort of dirty jokes to each other and Lil' Twist laughed at it. Surprised that Lil' Twist's young ass understood the joke Wayne asked how old was he. I'm POSITIVE I heard 15. I will rewatch it soon to confirm. I don't know when this was filmed, but it took place around the recording of The Carter III which dropped in '08. Now let's do some math. If he was 15 then and if two years have passed, he's 17 now depending on his birthday. So he's at least 16. If so, she fucked a 16-17 year old which may not be TOTALLY immoral but... I've argued this point already. Why beat a dead horse?

She is sad. Education is vital. If you look up to her, applaud her, wanna fuck her, etc... Don't cross the street. Go down the block.

: )

Stop Acting Like Beyoncé Stole Your Man And Your Biscuit

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There's been alotta tough talk and shade thrown about this Window Seat video. I didn't see Beyonce or Lady Gaga in this video not nahn second of it. Why y'all keep bringing they name up then? I swear I've seen the phrases "Window Seat" + "Beyonce" + "Gaga" in the same sentences since this shit dropped. Bee. Aye. Dee. You. That's how you spell Badu. Obviously y'all thought it was spelled B-E-Y-O-N-C-E-ampersand-L-A-D-Y-SPACEBAR-G-A-G-A, 'cause all I see in this tower of greed is Beyonce & Gaga and Window Seat this and that.

These instances where this has happened are all comparisons where people down the hype around the Telephone video in favor of any another video. Not saying Telephone was the Holy Grail. Not knocking Erykah's vid at all. It would be fair though since all y'all do is knock the shit I happen to favor and I'm not even big on Gaga. I don't know shit 'bout her or her music, so miss me with that argument.

Y'all wanna say shit like "Window Seat puts "insert Beyonce, Lady Gaga or a Beyonce & Lady Gaga video here" to shame." Why? I don't know. I feel like it's just bias, because Erykah is so real. Erykah keep it funky. Erykah is not a bad influence on today's youth. Erykah is a sister! Erykah ain't fake.

How y'all felt when you found out Bag Lady's dreads were just a wig?

Pick up your face. I wanna see the expression on it for this next segment. I just wanna point out a hypothetical outrage surrounding this Window Seat video if it were by Beyonce so here goes nothing.

If Beyonce Would Have Done the "Window Seat" video.

1. "Inspired by Matt & Kim"

"Kim must be Mathew's next baby mama."

"Kim is Kelly's momma, The Real Housewife of Hadley. "

2. Pulling up in the classic car.

"She can't even afford some new shit."

"She need to give Jay-Z his car back. Broke bitch."

"I'm surprised the bitch can park."

"Why she ain't got no rims? Bitch know she can afford some rims."

3. "A Story by Beyonce Knowles"

"Why her last name ain't Carter? Fake ass marriage."

"She don't acknowledge her marriage with Jay-Z because she don't love him. Sad. Poor Jigga."

"Story? Who is this bitch? Mother Goose!?"

4. Stray observations from the 35 second mark until.

"Why this bitch got on a trenchcoat? Winter over, ho?"

"She look like a hobo."

"Where her wig at? She need to keep that shit on at all times."

"Don't leave that jacket there. Solange need those hand me downs."

"She done took her shoes off and threw 'em. What if she woulda hit that white lady in red?! Irresponsible bitch!"

5. Stray observations from the 2 minute mark until.

"She look terrible without makeup. She is influencing the young girls to walk around looking like that!?"

"She took her damn shirt off in front of the kids!? WHORE!"

"Tina didn't raise her right."

"Took her pants off. Somebody go pick up her butt pads!"

6. Stray observations from the 4:30 mark until.

"This bitch is streaking! She should be arrested!

"Ha! Somebody shot her ass!"

"Keri Hilson did it!"

"She reading this script sounding like a 3 year old."

"She cannot act. She obviously isn't dead."

"You see how she fell? So fake."


"There wasn't a single airplane in this. Why it's called Window seat?"

"There go the wig. I knew there was a wig coming. Superfreak!"

"None of this made sense. Just like her."

"Dumb ass video. Dumb ass Beyonce. Dumb ass."




Music snobs: Erykah is asking for a window seat, but there aren't any passenger on Camel Shepherd's plane.

Post title brought to you by @YOUNGSINICK

Weekend Update

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The devil has been busy all week long. This by no means top what's happened so far, but.... Just click it. Just do it. I hate you @BELLABOSS for alla this. Chama lives.

Have A Seat On The Davenport & Let Me Tell You A Stirr.

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...or you can sit Indian style on the rug.

Once upon a time there was a scoundrel named Freshicca Sarah Parker. She was a scoundrel in many ways. Not only did she keep it real, like the young folks say, and crunk, like the niggas say, not only that... but she was funny. She sat at the cool kids table and most of the young girls and gays looked up to her. The male bloggers who posted about how they wanted they dick sucked by whimmints liked her, too, but they respected her because she could jones on them to teras. 

She once told a funny story. Its over there on the bookshelf:

There was this other scoundrel.... The Creator Behind Beyonceitis, who was a scoundrel with the vigor. He wasn't in with the crowds. He didn't parking lot pimp with the rest of them (Twitter). He didn't put his self out there like some hoes (I won't be messy). But he kept it real, like the young folks say. He would tell us about Beyonce and how we should respect her and abide by her rules until further notice. Beyonceitis brought the funny, the truth, and was the predecessor to EVERY FUCKING BODY and they momma on the Internet tryna be funny. Some of y'all, me at times, are just regurgitating shit he's said. When he said it, it was funny. When you say it, I pray for your social life. 

He told a story that you may find funny too. It's over there on my desk. I was just reading it the other night:

I don't know whether Fresh or Beyonceitis called Daniel "Julez" Smith II "Lil' Creole Pimp" first, during a time where he was known only as Baby Daniel. I don't know. I don't remember. I wasn't keeping count. I didn't know it'd be so important three to four years later. My bad! All I know is it was funny as fuck!

These two posts I linked you to exhibit some type of fuckery involving Baby Daniel being a hard up badass who sells drugs [vitamins] and owns a tazer. That pwns all that shit you knew before you read humor blogs. Yes, pwns. A month before that Beyonceitis post I linked you to, I started The Lil' Creole Pimp Chronicles.

It's a quick story that I know by heart, so I'll just tell it to you right quick:

It was a parody site in the same vein as Fake Janice Combs. I see you are already getting up to go see who the hell she is. Her story is right here:

You know how I say (tweet) Tee-Tee. You ever go "who the hell?" That's Beyonce. Uncle Joe? Jay-Z. Cousin Angie... if you didn't understand who Cousin Angie was please please please, I beg of you, unfollow me. Stupid is contagious in the springtime. And of course, Solange is "my mammy".

._. I'm not enthused either.

You get the picture. Now, here's what happened next. Solange found out I was using her babychile as a base for a fake, fictional, totally joking dude type thing but it didn't resonate well on the homefront. Solange called Beyonce, Michelle, and Angie and they brought that Chevy to a real slow creep but left Kizzy ass at home because she can't do shit right. Basically, at certain times Blogger wouldn't let me post. My Creole Pimp Gmail account would sometimes be suspended! My Photobucket account... unscathed.#kanyeshrug.

I slowly chilled out with the whole running gag of "I'm Solange's bratty, cussaholic, son and I hate that bitch". I didn't stop completely but... After reading one of her Okay Player posts about liking "some blogs OTHERS NOT SO MUCH" and seeing her act up on the news about Jay & Bey, I decided I didn't wanna fuck with her. I have this debilitating fear that she's gonna catch me in the Wal-Mart produce aisle, picking some greens for my momma and turn her buggy over on my ass. Matter fact, when I see a small, beige curly haired boy in Wal-Mart, I get scared. My 10 year old cousin's best friend looks JUST. LIKE. BABY. DANIEL. I think it's him. I'm scared of him. He HAS to be a sleeper agent.

But I digress.

So now you probably understand why Solange blocked me on Twitter. Or why Beyonce wrote Ring The Alarm. Or why Chris Brown hit Rih... no. No. Irrelevant. 


Deuces Motherfucker!

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One YAASS! Two YAAASS! Gosselin YAASSS! Duggar YAASS! The healthcare bill done passed and now we can rejoice. Not only can you afford that new hip to continue your #hoshit escapades, but you can get rid of Rush Limbaugh -FINALLY!! Before you go tap dancing in public get a load of this:
Recently, a number of interesting things happened. First, Rush Limbaugh said on his radio show that if the Healthcare Reform Bill passed, he would go to Costa Rica. Second, the Healthcare Reform Bill passed. As you can imagine, this has made a number of people very excited. We are among that number. We want to make sure that Rush is able to make good on his promise, and so we've made this website.
If you got a PayPal account and a dollar then you, too, can help rid the States of hate. Just one dollar a day will feed a hungry child in Africa. Ten will go towards relief in Haiti, Chili, and other places Pat Robertson don't fuck with. Donate to them FIRST then just ONE easy payment of one dollar will get Rush Limbaugh the fuck outta here.

I came across this site and cried. I cried like Jesus. I didn't cry when Obama was declared President-elect because God told me a change was gon' come. I knowed this. But we can finally get rid of Rush which is one less Republican and that makes me cry like everybody at the end of Precious. I'm just so fucking happy.


You think I'm playing? HURRY UP AND BYE!

Sham Fucking Wow

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1. How does your teen owe you thousands of dollar?
2. ...hottie blink... ...hottie blink...
3. Peep how the newscaster said "real court" throwing shade to TV court.
4. Still wanna have kids?

Full Clip: Burn Down Hot Topic

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Ellen DeBieber, you wish.

South Park took a stab at debunking the whole vampire, Twilight BS and mixed it with some gothic shit [Google it] and it was quiet amusing. But not nowhere near the live action rendition. Watch it all the way through. There's Affirmative Action in action during the dance break. Yes, even gothic kids have dance breaks. Pussycat Dolls, eat your hearts out.

The Black Marge Simpson

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...wouldn't even start to describe this shit right here.

The homie, who shall remain nameless because I fear she will be shanked by one of these project chicks in the pic, sent me this after she returned from her night of fun and festivities at the Plies concert. My granny was there because according to the people behind Beyonceitis, Plies is my supposed to be step grandaddy. Granny nasty, but I digress. More after the jump.

The Secret Life of Bees

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For a minute, I thought I was watching one of them Showtime movies that's all deep and low budget. Why hasn't Kola penned the novel "Nigger Stock" yet? I read the manuscript. It was great. Felt like Dylan spit his hot fyuh all across the pages. Digression.

If you don't know the story of Kola Boof, grab some snacks, click play, and seethe.

The World Is Not Safe

Lil' Creole Pimp Filed Under: Tags: , , long as no one's stopping villains such as 5Ton4Head. I haven't really been the same to her since "it" happened. Mainly, because she's the homie at the Creole HQs now with her and my Granny trading Pokemon cards, hair recipes and disses like old chums. But this... THIS? This super villain costume isn't to be ignored. We shall not sit idly by. Where's Spider-Man?!


Al B Sure Niggas vs Al B Sure Niggas

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Michael Jackson is a prophet and I respect him entirely, but he's gone to the greater good. That's sad and all but now not nahn Jackson is in my way of taking over the world. Especially since Jermaine's Oil of Olay seed are busy taking each other out. Jafaar snuck up on Jermastey from the blind side like Cheaters! And cussed! Simpletons

Cut the check via RHYMES WITH SNITCH.

Yung Berg Denies All That Pistol Whipping

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Yung Berg got the balls, the nerve, the motherfucking audacity of hope to deny being pistol whipped at a house party the other day. TMZ is alot of things. They're paparazzi hounds. They're a 30 minute time killer on The CW if you're bored. But they're kinda reputable, surprisingly. I don't believe you, Christian. You need more people. Deny all you want to. I'm still wearing yo' chain to school on Monday.

In Case You Care...

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Winter Olympic teams call BET's bluff as they film their own tributes to Michael Jackson. Rhythm notwithstanding, but I'd rather sit through this than 2009's Coon Fest.

Sheree Disses Atlanta's Mindset

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Sheree and her fashion line have parted ways. Why? Because of Atlanta. Atlanta has got some fucking nerve. She by Sheree was the hottest thang on the market. I wore it. You wore it. Everybody wore it. By now you're standing and applauding like Obama is giving the State of the Union, but I need for you to please sit and let me finish.
"It's hard trying to find the right group of people to come together and help out. You can’t do it by yourself. It takes a team.

And being in Atlanta it’s very hard. If I was in L.A., if I was in New York, if I was in Paris, you have those type of like-minded people. I can’t find people with the same business sense that I have." -Sheree "Trix Are For Kids" Whitfield
Sham fucking wow. No one in Atlanta was helping her? I guess. I mean, she did do everything by herself. I don't know what show you watched. But that was what I saw.

This post was brought to you by extreme sarcasm. I doubt any of what Sheree said is true. I just think people would wear Shit by Charmin before wearing She by Sheree.


Call Derek Back & Finish Whooping Ass

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Drake skinned niggas unite! Yung Berg isn't light enough to qualify with your kind, making him a dark butt to Drake skins. But that's irrelevant. This calender, however? Relevant like Beyonce's name in a YouTube comment section:

EXCLUSIVE: Yung Berg's Calendar!  on Twitpic

Props to DDotOmen. I hope you have an army of raisins 'cuz TMZ has a *major scoop.
...Suspects pistol-whipped two people inside the party -- one of whom was Berg. Law enforcement sources say the suspects robbed eight people and made off with $10,000 in cash and jewelry.
Why is this dumbass walking around with this much money? I hope it was a collective amount of 10,000 at the party. That way Yung Berg can share his stupidity with his stupid comrades and their frivolous dollars, that they sure as hell haven't made from selling records. You ever wanna prove yourself to your homies? Rob Yung Berg. 

*Epic line from NBC's Community.
**Name the reference from the post title.

Why Did I Watch This Whole Video?

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Was this supposed to be funny, because all I did was laugh? This is why I hate hardcore Nicki Minaj fans. If you haven't pressed play, you should really peel yourself away from deciphering Tiger Woods's press conference speech and press play. Press play and you'll find out why I hate my generation. Niggas and bitches vapid like this. Nukkabitches, too. Shit like this is why women weren't allowed to speak in public until 1918. If only she had a father. I refuse to believe she has a father figure. Father figures teach you not to pause mid sentence and cheat out to the camera. What the fuck was she looking at off the side at the 1:32 mark? What was she tryna teach? Who was she tryna teach? No thanks, either way.


I hate Big Lil' Kimbo Slice for sending me this. Follow her at @BIGLILKIM.

Update: after the jump.

Overdue Good Shit

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Bruh Mane Laflare. This shit right here... This just makes me wanna get back in the studio and complete The No Thanks Chronicles mixtape. Bing bing bing and zing zing zing with zest zest zest. ...and if you don't know now you know.

#pose #babyclothes

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No words are needed. The only thing you need to do is press play and incorporate these quotes into your life.

When Keeping It Stan Goes Right

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The paparazzi and shit be all on a nigga and this is what happens. I'm flattered, but stop stanning. Stanning will never amount to anything but all the money and time you waste on a motherfucker that ain't studying you and probably wouldn't unless they were paid to. Peep the 52 second mark. Is that Cousin Angie and that guy from... y'know... that team?

SIDEBAR FROM THE MANAGEMENT: Baby Daniel stans? Really? Before you start talking shit, I'm not a stan. I'm the parody.

No Words Are Needed

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I just... I tr... Wh.... Click play. Blame FIVE27.

Rikers Island Though?

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Wayne should do the time to justify the crime [I see you, Jessie Jackson's rhyming dictionary], but Rikers? I don't know much about NYC other than my auntie herds camels there, but isn't Rikers like the top flight security prison? Or is it just depicted that way in art and film? I'm confused. Where my Daddy at? He could 'splain this. Wayne may not be one, but I still think he went down swinging like a real Creole. I don't know why but I always think of what's gonna happen to somebody on the inside. Will they run the jail or will they run from everybody in the jail. T.I. said when he was locked up he got much respect because he was a top flight security rapper, but will Wayne? Those pics of him kissing Baby may put some thoughts in Negroes' heads. I said Negro because it's Black History Month.

Danger. Smashed Outta Her Goddamn Mind

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I don't have much to say about this clip besides the fact that Danger is on the red carpet looking like Michael Evans. Whose money is Poprah spending to put together anything, even if it is for a good cause? And why wasn't Case invited!? Hide ya shanks. Bitches be tripping. Crazy.

I Don't Hate Taylor Swift

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"Girl put yo' records shoes on."

I don't hate Taylor Swift. I hate the Kanye backlash. By now you know the story of when Yeezy got drunk. I feel like Kanye woulda spoke his mind about Taylor regardless if he wasn't ON THAT LIQUOR BITCH*. He may have said it later or in a less insulting way, but it's Kanye so the last thing he woulda been worried 'bout was insulting somebody.

I wanna say my take on The Great Taylor Swift Debacle of 09/10. First and foremost, calm it down just a tad to the people who hate her with all they life. In probably two years, she might Britney it or even worse... she might just not matter. Pop is a heartless game. Your talent is easily replaceable, because the next mofo can come in and seem reinvigorating to the masses leaving you looking like old pussy. It happened with Beyonce and Rihanna. Beyonce managed to weather the storm. It happened with Ciara and Keri Hilson. Write a few songs, sound good on a track and dance a little and BAM! Thin voices rejoice. It happens in this business. But that's neither *Eric Cartman voice* hwuh nor nwuh.

Understand, Taylor was selling albums like crack. Wanna know why? I just explained it to you in the paragraph above. Plus you motherfuckers buy anything! That's why Sean Kingston can keep his breasts sitting perky and this Jay Sean shit was ruling iTunes at one point. I'd say what the fuck about that, but this isn't about him. This is about why I can't jiggy with this Fearless shit. It's not my steeze. I don't jig to them chords. My mama don't let me listen to that kinda music on Sundays. But I digress. Taylor was selling the records. Yitty dee! We just didn't know how big she was [I was aware that she existed before the VMAs] until Kayne snatched that dick out her hand.

Here's why I don't dig Taylor as a person and it's not even a personal thing. It's more of a business thing. I understand how the behind the scenes people do shit. Once the media was slapping him on the wrist her people screamed "EUREKA!" All we got to do is answer the Kanye questions with dignity and couth then use that publicity to continue to expand our empire. It was the common sense, no duh approach. Frankly, if that was the case, then her people were just doing their jobs. I applaud this business savvy, because I know Pop Pops woulda been like "PLAY VICTIM! SAY HE GROPED YOU BACKSTAGED, TOO!" Oh, the irony since Pops gropes every other la... Never mind.

The reason why this turns me off when it comes to Taylor is the shadiness of it**. Kayne owns about most rappers in his field, 17% of musicians in other genres and aspiring reality star fetuses. Him getting snubbed and blackballed pisses me off! I misdirect that anger at Taylor, because I don't think he should suffer. He spoke his mind at the wrong time in a disrespectful manner. I could say that it's easy for Hollywood to dump him since he's Black but I haven't played the race card since I bitched about Lucy Lui not being asked to scat on the new "We Are The World" via Twitter. I just keep digressing! I'll never make my point. Pimpcrest out.

*If you haven't already, click that link. I'm on that liquor bitch, I'm 'bout to whoop a bitch. It's a must-have for your jig-worthy collection.
**To be fair, a lot of people hate Beyonce for this same reason. And they can all just suck a knife until it ejaculates.

More No Thanksities

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Blacklisted: Savvy Fatty

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Blacklisted like a motherfucker. Ain't nothing Creole in me that can cosign with this. We was homies, Sav. I graduated from Savvy Fatty's 2Pac Academy & Foods of Many Nations Emporium, because of you. Why would you stoop to this level on me like that?

No Thanks

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The Grammys are wack as all Ray-J. If it wasn't for live Twitter recaps, I wouldn't have watched. To be honest, I never watch. I have a hangup about traditional award shows  that were once whites-only clubs. The Grammys. The Oscars. The Emmys. The VMAs. I wasn't never feeling 'em. I've seen a few VMAs, but none of the others before tonight. Well, the first Grammy show I watched was the one with Prince, Beyonce, & the dove. Performances as sporadically dope like that one deserve my viewer count. If you follow me on Twitter, then you saw  how I felt about the show last night.

To quote a wise mind, it was an emo festival of epic proportions. (I think @LuvvieIG said that).

All slow songs everything. I was relieved when The Fantastic Four took the stage and did "I Got A Feeling", and again when Jamie Foxx and T-Pain ol' looking ass boy ass got on stage. Pink's aerial attack performance made me wish I was an air marshal. I'll give her props though. Not any recording artist will do that shit with her disrespectful ass body. (I think Miss Jia said that last night). It had me in a giggle fit that was more entertaining than this disrespectful ass show. The 52nd Grammys were so uneventful it's disrespectful to snoozefests, everywhere.

And I didn't appreciate how they hyped a Michael tribute. I expected dancing, bitches, and beer. You give me Celine Dion? I can hit it big at a slot machine in Vegas and see that bitch for free.99 anytime. Ain't nothing Creole in my world tryna get hype about Celine or Usher. Although, Effie White came out and brought the "What about me? What about what I need?" swagger with her. Meaning, she had on a pair of Keri Hilson's bangs. By the way, if you didn't peep @ItsTootie's futurelove/shadefest to Miss Skeri Bangsy, you hate Christ. I think Maxwell is modern-day Ray Charles, but that's a compliment and probably the only real compliment I've given so far.

Before I really rant, let me say this....

The biggest boss that you've seen thus far graced the stage and gave ya life! Fuck the Grammys. No, thanks galore. I did think about whooping Rihanna's ass before the Grammys for old time's sake. She was game. We all laughed about it in the helicopter ride on the way to the Staples Center. I decided to take a rain check and beat her ass after the show. I'm five and you picking me up to speak into the mic? That's so disrespectful! Let me digress really quick... Momma was so jealous when she saw me on stage. She never been up there, but ya boy? Hahahaha.

Now that that's that. And that this is this:

Let's talk about this:

No thanks. Before you start talking shit, let me clarify. The homie @ThroatChopU argued that Taylor was the recipient of much success before the Fuck Yo' Coloring Book fiasco. I agree. Taylor was selling albums and soon to step out of the country barrier into some Pop success. Was it deserving, though? When I say "Bitch, please" I'm not using manners. I think false ass musicians were brought on by the hailstorm success of Britney Spears. Sure, Britney was nice on the eyes and her team had her story straight, but her success is mildly bordering on a whole lotta Fuck Yo' Coloring Book status. It just lead to more and more vapid ass success stories from limitedly talented artists. Taylor may sound good on her tracks, but so can Keri, Miley, and on a fair day Cassie. Live vocals ain't on deck for Swift. Her notes were leaning on that codeine last night and it doesn't help that Stevie Nicks was backing her. That's like Keyshia and Monica at BET Awards 09. And Stevie didn't even have a solo or none of that shit. That alone proves the sympathy success is still afoot. Anybody in Hollywood is ready to jump on Team Swift, because Kanye took candy from a baby.

Other ways Taylor received sympathy last night:
1) They gave her a total of nine and three-quarters hours worth of acceptance speech time.
2) All the nods. So much nominations. So much nominations. It's unusual for someone so young to get so much Grammy love. She's been here for four years according to WikiP, but still very, very rare.
3) Album of the Year.

Bullshit, if anybody's ever called it. Gaga couldn't get the Best New Artist nod last year (even though Adele was deserving) but Taylor Swift can win the whole shabang? Fuck yo' coloring book and bitch, I'm stealing ya crayons. I'd like Taylor more if she'd acknowledge Attack of the Kanye was somewhat pivotal to her stampeding popularity as fo late. I'd love her if she ate something, looking like Tales of the Crypt 2K10's host. She is skinny. And she's tall as all fuck so a little weight wouldn't make her bad built or nothing. But that's just nitpicking at nothing, I just hate seeing little ass people. It just punches my soul to see decrepit motherfuckers. If I could read thoughts, I'd bet her conscious would be screaming "STOP AT McDONALD'S!" But I digress.

Beyonce should have won but she wasn't the most deserving. Ever since GaGa premiered it's been a mad mad rush of STFU to anybody else in a room with her. Mainly cause of the 'fits, but she can sing tickle the keys. Sing, play piano, and look a hot mess in the good way? Fuck your life, Alicia Keys. Boss up. I'm just saying, though. In comparison, talent and material wise it was I thought all favors pointed at Gaga.

But since, Kanye's Greatest Success Story won... No, thanks.

This Just In: All White Everything, Basketball Edition

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According to THE HUFFING POST , there's a new way to segregate in Twenty10. A whites-only b-ball league is in effect for the summer. You read right! League commissioner Don "Moose" Lewis is opening a basketball league that will employ Caucasian players, born in the US to not just one but two Caucasian parents. That means ya mammy and ya pappy both gotta be WASPS and neither can be born outside of the 50 states (or maybe even the continental US, because we gully like that). Lewis claims he wants to de-sensationalize a lot of the antics seen in today's NBA like dunking and street ball that is played by "people of color". In other words, this cracker is sick of the Kobes and Garnetts and the African and European players coming and taking all the jobs away from his milky skin brethren. In other news, after the Republicans finish building the Great Wall of Mexico, they will also begin production to build a wall around basketball. Put ya lighters up if ya ready to see which white boy can get the most assists before the second half! If I wanted to watch boring basketball, I'd get season tickets to the Clippers or the Suns.

Why can't we just share?

UPDATE: The trip to me is... no foreigners. Because if anybody is ruining basketball is Canada's own Steve Nash.

About Damn Time

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The homie LOOSENECK just sent ya homeboy a text talmbout "Yo' auntie just told herself 'Ho, have a seat' and she taking six-months personal leave." You know what I think? I think we need to double down on that six months and make it a year. I'd patiently wait until TwentyLeven for Tee-Tee and Yeezy to come back and make every Rap/R&B panhandler feel smaller than Bow Wow in line for the roller coaster..

Beyonce's New Year's resolution is at once ambitious and surprising. The multitasking superstar, who was seemingly everywhere in 2009, hopes to spend a good chunk of 2010 not working.

"It's definitely time to take a break, to recharge my batteries," says Beyoncé, 28. "I'd like to take about six months and not go into the studio. I need to just live life, to be inspired by things again." SOURCE

Grade F Fuckery

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I'm very upset at the fact that this nigga mumbetalks like an Alicia Keys performance. Momma, why were you so hard up in rebelling? You didn't have to fuck this nigga? This can't be. This Yungsosodef nigga can't be my descendant.


Don't Press Play

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I try not to post material I've seen on other blogs, mainly Fresh's and KidFury's because they have a nice fanbase and by the time you see it here, you've already seen it there but this?

I wanna be one less.

The Tales of Wale + Creole

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You still DC chillin'? Huh, nigga?

Weekend Fuckery // Full Clip: Keke Wyatt's Snoozefest

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If everybody would kindly stand back and allow KeKe Wyatt's Gateway Arch eyebrows through the room. The Duchess of Daggers is back with a lukewarm single and I wanna be one less.The song ain't nothing to go crazy over and the Dollar Menu video has me, Geisha, and Scarlett all tumbling with laughter.

Keke, are you married? If not, you should be. That way Alicia Keys can steal yo' nigga, then you can get on Twitter and go crazy about it. Enjoy your shift at Zaxby's. Just put all the cutlery back where you found it, before you clock out.

Snook The Night

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For the Jersey Show fans, guess what. Snooki has a YouTube page. You can scour it for treasures hidden in Snooki's poof or you can get a load of the clip above. See! I do love my readership. I give y'all gifts like. Snooki: the light skin housemate that looks like Michael Jackson AND the dark skin housemate that looks like Michael Jackson.

Drake Is Aubrey Graham's Sasha Fierce

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Please pay attention to the sixteen second mark, because you'll never hear him call himself Aubrey Graham ever in the history of ever again.

I remember hearing Drake rap, before he was "Drake". This was a while ago, before MySpace was even hot. I think it was on a song called City Is Mine and a line from it went something like: "You lookinglike a hater and I'm something like a waiter. With treys in both hand, take ya order, I can cater." If you don't get it, I feel sorry for your mother. But that's when I really thought he was a good rapper, but I didn't see him ever being mainstream. Mainly because he had that pesky past of "acting" to hold him back. But he sure proved me wrong.

About him hopping over to Young Money? Eh... I wasn't keen to it at first. Ex-actor hanging with a buncha ex-cons? I didn't see it, but eh... Proved me wrong again. Thats the thing about Young Money. I gotta hand it to 'em. Weezy F Crazy showed up in 2009, but I don't see Young Money as a label as much as I see them as a conglomerate. They not just looking for one type of rapper, much like other crews and labels have done in the past. Murda Inc was East Coast thuggetry that wasn't mainstream and boring as fuck. Disturbing Tha Peace was just a bunch of Luda's teabagged lackeys. I'd like to take this opportunity to say Luda is short. DAMN LUDA IS SHORT. The camera adds 10 pounds and apparently 5 to 6 inches of height. But I digress. I wanna just get to the point. Young Money is employing bunch of different kindsa rappers. You got Weezy, who is um... Weezy, Nicki who is mainstream as fuck but still a nice rapper, Tyga who is supposedly West Coast but is more of a Southern-East Coast hybrid material-wise, you got Drake who is borderline mainstream/borderline this:

And then you got the rest of them niggas whose name you don't know.

Back to Drizzy Drake Rogers. He once thought having a Benz and Beemer as a first car was pretentious, but if you ballin' like that... INDULGE. I wonder if that Acura will show up lyrically on Thank Me Later which is scheduled to drop any year now. He gave his Bubbe [is that nigga Jewish?] chocolate for cash. That's kinda like selling drugs, because I guess the chocolate could kill her. Knock on wood. Absentee father = Black card, for those mad at his biracial steeze. He said here he not about material possession, but still every now and again we gotta go on a 24-hour champagne diet.

Now you know who Drake was before he knew what a haircut was.

Grade A Fuckery

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Vicious little monsters. I'm not sure what time mark it was said, but it kilt me a little. Just a little video-graphical fuckery to hold over the readership, because I can sense y'all fiending for updates. Be sure to play close attention to the Gaga impersonator. The nuances of her performance defines what kinda dream this is.

Random Rant: 2010 Conduct

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Last year was... Bruh. I don't think I have to go over the craziness this year gave us.

If it wasn't for Lockup marathons, I wouldn't even bother getting outta bed. That's fucked up, yo. Me? The Duke of Dance, Prince of Party, heir to the Kreole Dynasty not wanting to get up and log on and steeze and walk the streets of Hadley and steeze or bust up in the day care and STEEZE!? I blame y'all.

All of y'all. Bloggers. Non-bloggers. Pseudo-celebs. Celeb-celebs. Formspring. All of' y'all. I feel like this random rant is only proper because you niggas and bitches and nukkabitches need guidelines to live by in this post-Y2K world.

1. For starters, if you personally know a celebrity [hoping you're not whoring for it yourself] tell them to STOP WITH THE BULLSHIT. You wanna know what made celebrities so... great? The mystery. Prior to today's media obsessed world filled with stalkerazzi and Twitter rants, we didn't know show about celebs if they or their people didn't tell it. You never watched Living Single, back in the day, and said "I can't stand Kyle because T.C. Carson is so gay. I can't get over that video of him voguing at the club I saw on YouTube." Of course, you didn't. We didn't know shit besides what we speculated, so what was... simply was what we got. What we got was what we saw. With any kinda entertainment, not just TV. Music. Fashion. Movies. All that.

Nowadays? It's like the more I know about these attention whore celebs the less I like them. The days before stannery, celebs were idols not in the sense that we looked up to them, but in the sense they were semi-perfect and did a damn good job in entertaining us. Today, celebs do more entertaining behind the scenes (unintentionally, but I could be wrong) as opposed to their um... day jobs. So how 'bout this? The celebs with potential go get some business that's not calling paparazzi for flicks, sending bloggers press releases and tweeting their cringe-worthy mundaneness. Creole! When ya lowkey real good.

2. If you wanna stand out in life, BE NORMAL. There are some people who are truly different. From the roota to the toota, they are strange on accident and don't care. They barely acknowledge it and it wouldn't ever get acknowledged if WE didn't bring it up. Most people though? Nope. They see a trend and try to set it but too late. Their quest to be different is everybody else's quest, too. In the end no one's really different. Everybody blends and the only ones that stand out are the ones frown up you and your highlighter hues and your Blade fade with the sew-in bang and the skinny jeans and your bumblebee eyelid locs. Tryna be Confucius and Solange and get a reality show and all that at the same time? You're thirtsty and by the time you get your shot, I hope you drown.

3. I don't know why but EVERYBODY WANTS CELEBREALITY these days. Regular folks with regular folk skills should have regular jobs. You aren't a rapper. You just see Lil' Wayne and 'nem doing it. You cannot act. You just wanna be on TV. You not important nor are you interesting. You don't deserve a reality show. How come nobody wants to be a doctor or a lawyer or a crocodile hunter anymore?

That's all I ask for in 2010. Less Ochocinco, more Johnson. Less Barbie, more accent. That's it.

: )