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Fresh Is Like Sherlock Holmes

Lil' Creole Pimp Filed Under: Tags:


313-720-3541.

That's T-Baby's number... HERE'S her Myspace. Call that heffa and tell her to blame it being so cold in the D on global warming.

UPDATE: I sent her one fucking text and now she keep calling me. I'm finna send Millie by the D.


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Fan Mail (No TLC)

Lil' Creole Pimp Filed Under: Tags:

Y'know how I'm into electronics and technology these days, right? So the Mini-Pimp was getting his Gmail on ('cause they stopped shutting ya boy down) and I got some "fan-mail" from a "fan". This is what it read:
 
I got what I THOUGHT was invite to ya Ti-Ti's 30-something'ish (<--cuz we've all seen the TRILL burf date!) bday party.  When I opened it up, I was surprised to see NOT an invite covered in a lock of #27 Curly Fry...OH NO! But an SOS...written in blood and lacefront glue...from Kizzy and Michelle. Is torturing the souls and careers of lesser-talented individuals the way your Ti-Ti is celebrating her third decade?! Shouldn't she be rallying the troops to go to the nearest FYE to make it rain on ya mama's crumb-wiper instead?
Dear Savvy,

Didn't nobody invite you to the party. You had to be of Creole origin, a Louisianian descendant, from the H, or a Popeye's delivery person to attend this fiesta-fiesta. That was just Cousin Angie playing a joke on you for swagger jacking her alias. She was the ORIGINAL Savvy Fatty. She just needed to gain a lil' bit mo' but you know how my Pop-Pop is. Slapping chicken thighs outta her hand before she could stick 'em in her mouth. Something tragic. And no my Tee-Tee is NOT 30-something. That's my Uncle Joe.

And as for my mother's "crumb-wiper", I would like to, on behalf of Savvy's fuckupings, alert all readers. Make one mo' motherfucking joke about my momma's CD going half a Miss Kelly and we gon' swab! We all know that Sam Goody and Billboard are the ones to blame.

---


Happy B'Day, Tee-Tee. I got you a new outfit, complete with matching hair and a dildo skirt. You know you like that.

SIDEBAR: Swagger jacking, right?


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Turn That Shit Up

Lil' Creole Pimp Filed Under: Tags:


Tomorrow is Judgment Day. No, God isn't about to smite that ASS for buying up the bar til you can't no mo' at the Red Rooster on Two Dollar Drink Night and not putting no money in the collection plate the following morning. Tomorrow, Billboard may or may not acknowledge my momma's new COASTER.

Being Knowles, we don't stop... we don't quit. We have to put y'all up on game for the next release...

So my Granny got a HOT NEW CD coming, right? It's gon' be bigger than Rasputia drawers. Here's a cut from the record that didn't make the final tracklist.
My daughter's really different
Sometimes I think she's a goddamn fool
I made her stay in the kitchen
And help Kelly serve us food, ooh
My firstborn she's the breadwinner
The other one helps fix bread for dinner
Go head BABY! Go head baby
Just don't break my new stove...
Celestine "Big Red" Knowles - I Decided

Something like that...

ATTENTION: This is in no, way, shape, form, fashion, or fabrication a swaggerjackeration of Beyonceitis' Wig Crypt... I just got bored and thought some shit up, while I was listening to I Decided from my brand new copy of Sol-Angel & The HadleyStreetDreams that I just bought. (SHEEEEEEITTTTTTTT)


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Finalist

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'Sup, pimps and pimpettes. It's the Mini-Pimp, Iceberg Criollo...

Not much to say since old pussy ass Gustav been giving my peoples problems. All of Houston is being flooded with the Nolians... no problems with 'em 'cept Young Mo-Mo from 9th Ward by the way of Zone 4 owes me gas money from that time we helped 'em 'vacuate. No problems with the Nolians, though. If I had a problem with them as a whole, why would I employ Juvie Jay to put y'all up on policital GAME?

But I digress.

Had to let y'all know that the boy is a finalist in the BlackWeb Blog Awards. It's too late to vote for ya boy. That ended on the 31st. I was meaning to post this earlier but I been sidetracked... Had to join my momma's security detail ever since she took her earrings off on that news reporter. Fake Frankie Cole got ticked off and [HIT HER UP] said she was gone "put her foot so far down Solange's esophagus, she'd be shitting stilleto spikes for a week." And I gotsa to protect my fam...

Again, I digress. That's why I've been so behind though.

Winner announcements come through on Thursday. CROSS YA FANGAHS!


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