Yung Berg got the balls, the nerve, the motherfucking audacity of hope to deny being pistol whipped at a house party the other day. TMZ is alot of things. They're paparazzi hounds. They're a 30 minute time killer on The CW if you're bored. But they're kinda reputable, surprisingly. I don't believe you, Christian. You need more people. Deny all you want to. I'm still wearing yo' chain to school on Monday.
Winter Olympic teams call BET's bluff as they film their own tributes to Michael Jackson. Rhythm notwithstanding, but I'd rather sit through this than 2009's Coon Fest.
Sheree and her fashion line have parted ways. Why? Because of Atlanta. Atlanta has got some fucking nerve. She by Sheree was the hottest thang on the market. I wore it. You wore it. Everybody wore it. By now you're standing and applauding like Obama is giving the State of the Union, but I need for you to please sit and let me finish.
"It's hard trying to find the right group of people to come together and help out. You can’t do it by yourself. It takes a team.
And being in Atlanta it’s very hard. If I was in L.A., if I was in New York, if I was in Paris, you have those type of like-minded people. I can’t find people with the same business sense that I have." -Sheree "Trix Are For Kids" Whitfield
Sham fucking wow. No one in Atlanta was helping her? I guess. I mean, she did do everything by herself. I don't know what show you watched. But that was what I saw.
This post was brought to you by extreme sarcasm. I doubt any of what Sheree said is true. I just think people would wear Shit by Charmin before wearing She by Sheree.
Drake skinned niggas unite! Yung Berg isn't light enough to qualify with your kind, making him a dark butt to Drake skins. But that's irrelevant. This calender, however? Relevant like Beyonce's name in a YouTube comment section:
Props to DDotOmen. I hope you have an army of raisins 'cuz TMZhas a *major scoop.
...Suspects pistol-whipped two people inside the party -- one of whom was Berg. Law enforcement sources say the suspects robbed eight people and made off with $10,000 in cash and jewelry.
Why is this dumbass walking around with this much money? I hope it was a collective amount of 10,000 at the party. That way Yung Berg can share his stupidity with his stupid comrades and their frivolous dollars, that they sure as hell haven't made from selling records. You ever wanna prove yourself to your homies? Rob Yung Berg.
*Epic line from NBC's Community. **Name the reference from the post title.
Was this supposed to be funny, because all I did was laugh? This is why I hate hardcore Nicki Minaj fans. If you haven't pressed play, you should really peel yourself away from deciphering Tiger Woods's press conference speech and press play. Press play and you'll find out why I hate my generation. Niggas and bitches vapid like this. Nukkabitches, too. Shit like this is why women weren't allowed to speak in public until 1918. If only she had a father. I refuse to believe she has a father figure. Father figures teach you not to pause mid sentence and cheat out to the camera. What the fuck was she looking at off the side at the 1:32 mark? What was she tryna teach? Who was she tryna teach? No thanks, either way.
AND THEN SHE STARTED RAPPING AND I WANTED TO BE ONE LESS ALL OVER AGAIN!
I hate Big Lil' Kimbo Slice for sending me this. Follow her at @BIGLILKIM.
Bruh Mane Laflare. This shit right here... This just makes me wanna get back in the studio and complete The No Thanks Chronicles mixtape. Bing bing bing and zing zing zing with zest zest zest. ...and if you don't know now you know.
The paparazzi and shit be all on a nigga and this is what happens. I'm flattered, but stop stanning. Stanning will never amount to anything but all the money and time you waste on a motherfucker that ain't studying you and probably wouldn't unless they were paid to. Peep the 52 second mark. Is that Cousin Angie and that guy from... y'know... that team?
SIDEBAR FROM THE MANAGEMENT: Baby Daniel stans? Really? Before you start talking shit, I'm not a stan. I'm the parody.
Wayne should do the time to justify the crime [I see you, Jessie Jackson's rhyming dictionary], but Rikers? I don't know much about NYC other than my auntie herds camels there, but isn't Rikers like the top flight security prison? Or is it just depicted that way in art and film? I'm confused. Where my Daddy at? He could 'splain this. Wayne may not be one, but I still think he went down swinging like a real Creole. I don't know why but I always think of what's gonna happen to somebody on the inside. Will they run the jail or will they run from everybody in the jail. T.I. said when he was locked up he got much respect because he was a top flight security rapper, but will Wayne? Those pics of him kissing Baby may put some thoughts in Negroes' heads. I said Negro because it's Black History Month.
I don't have much to say about this clip besides the fact that Danger is on the red carpet looking like Michael Evans. Whose money is Poprah spending to put together anything, even if it is for a good cause? And why wasn't Case invited!? Hide ya shanks. Bitches be tripping. Crazy.
I don't hate Taylor Swift. I hate the Kanye backlash. By now you know the story of when Yeezy got drunk. I feel like Kanye woulda spoke his mind about Taylor regardless if he wasn't ON THAT LIQUOR BITCH*. He may have said it later or in a less insulting way, but it's Kanye so the last thing he woulda been worried 'bout was insulting somebody.
I wanna say my take on The Great Taylor Swift Debacle of 09/10. First and foremost, calm it down just a tad to the people who hate her with all they life. In probably two years, she might Britney it or even worse... she might just not matter. Pop is a heartless game. Your talent is easily replaceable, because the next mofo can come in and seem reinvigorating to the masses leaving you looking like old pussy. It happened with Beyonce and Rihanna. Beyonce managed to weather the storm. It happened with Ciara and Keri Hilson. Write a few songs, sound good on a track and dance a little and BAM! Thin voices rejoice. It happens in this business. But that's neither *Eric Cartman voice* hwuh nor nwuh.
Understand, Taylor was selling albums like crack. Wanna know why? I just explained it to you in the paragraph above. Plus you motherfuckers buy anything! That's why Sean Kingston can keep his breasts sitting perky and this Jay Sean shit was ruling iTunes at one point. I'd say what the fuck about that, but this isn't about him. This is about why I can't jiggy with this Fearless shit. It's not my steeze. I don't jig to them chords. My mama don't let me listen to that kinda music on Sundays. But I digress. Taylor was selling the records. Yitty dee! We just didn't know how big she was [I was aware that she existed before the VMAs] until Kayne snatched that dick out her hand.
Here's why I don't dig Taylor as a person and it's not even a personal thing. It's more of a business thing. I understand how the behind the scenes people do shit. Once the media was slapping him on the wrist her people screamed "EUREKA!" All we got to do is answer the Kanye questions with dignity and couth then use that publicity to continue to expand our empire. It was the common sense, no duh approach. Frankly, if that was the case, then her people were just doing their jobs. I applaud this business savvy, because I know Pop Pops woulda been like "PLAY VICTIM! SAY HE GROPED YOU BACKSTAGED, TOO!" Oh, the irony since Pops gropes every other la... Never mind.
The reason why this turns me off when it comes to Taylor is the shadiness of it**. Kayne owns about most rappers in his field, 17% of musicians in other genres and aspiring reality star fetuses. Him getting snubbed and blackballed pisses me off! I misdirect that anger at Taylor, because I don't think he should suffer. He spoke his mind at the wrong time in a disrespectful manner. I could say that it's easy for Hollywood to dump him since he's Black but I haven't played the race card since I bitched about Lucy Lui not being asked to scat on the new "We Are The World" via Twitter. I just keep digressing! I'll never make my point. Pimpcrest out.
*If you haven't already, click that link. I'm on that liquor bitch, I'm 'bout to whoop a bitch. It's a must-have for your jig-worthy collection. **To be fair, a lot of people hate Beyonce for this same reason. And they can all just suck a knife until it ejaculates.
Blacklisted like a motherfucker. Ain't nothing Creole in me that can cosign with this. We was homies, Sav. I graduated from Savvy Fatty's 2Pac Academy & Foods of Many Nations Emporium, because of you. Why would you stoop to this level on me like that?
The Grammys are wack as all Ray-J. If it wasn't for live Twitter recaps, I wouldn't have watched. To be honest, I never watch. I have a hangup about traditional award shows that were once whites-only clubs. The Grammys. The Oscars. The Emmys. The VMAs. I wasn't never feeling 'em. I've seen a few VMAs, but none of the others before tonight. Well, the first Grammy show I watched was the one with Prince, Beyonce, & the dove. Performances as sporadically dope like that one deserve my viewer count. If you follow me on Twitter, then you saw how I felt about the show last night.
To quote a wise mind, it was an emo festival of epic proportions. (I think@LuvvieIGsaid that).
All slow songs everything. I was relieved when The Fantastic Four took the stage and did "I Got A Feeling", and again when Jamie Foxx and T-Pain ol' looking ass boy ass got on stage. Pink's aerial attack performance made me wish I was an air marshal. I'll give her props though. Not any recording artist will do that shit with her disrespectful ass body. (I think Miss Jia said that last night). It had me in a giggle fit that was more entertaining than this disrespectful ass show. The 52nd Grammys were so uneventful it's disrespectful to snoozefests, everywhere.
And I didn't appreciate how they hyped a Michael tribute. I expected dancing, bitches, and beer. You give me Celine Dion? I can hit it big at a slot machine in Vegas and see that bitch for free.99 anytime. Ain't nothing Creole in my world tryna get hype about Celine or Usher. Although, Effie White came out and brought the "What about me? What about what I need?" swagger with her. Meaning, she had on a pair of Keri Hilson's bangs. By the way, if you didn't peep@ItsTootie's futurelove/shadefest to Miss Skeri Bangsy, you hate Christ. I think Maxwell is modern-day Ray Charles, but that's a compliment and probably the only real compliment I've given so far.
Before I really rant, let me say this....
The biggest boss that you've seen thus far graced the stage and gave ya life! Fuck the Grammys. No, thanks galore. I did think about whooping Rihanna's ass before the Grammys for old time's sake. She was game. We all laughed about it in the helicopter ride on the way to the Staples Center. I decided to take a rain check and beat her ass after the show. I'm five and you picking me up to speak into the mic? That's so disrespectful! Let me digress really quick... Momma was so jealous when she saw me on stage. She never been up there, but ya boy? Hahahaha.
Now that that's that. And that this is this:
Let's talk about this:
No thanks. Before you start talking shit, let me clarify. The homie @ThroatChopUargued that Taylor was the recipient of much success before the Fuck Yo' Coloring Book fiasco. I agree. Taylor was selling albums and soon to step out of the country barrier into some Pop success. Was it deserving, though? When I say "Bitch, please" I'm not using manners. I think false ass musicians were brought on by the hailstorm success of Britney Spears. Sure, Britney was nice on the eyes and her team had her story straight, but her success is mildly bordering on a whole lotta Fuck Yo' Coloring Book status. It just lead to more and more vapid ass success stories from limitedly talented artists. Taylor may sound good on her tracks, but so can Keri, Miley, and on a fair day Cassie. Live vocals ain't on deck for Swift. Her notes were leaning on that codeine last night and it doesn't help that Stevie Nicks was backing her. That's like Keyshia and Monica at BET Awards 09. And Stevie didn't even have a solo or none of that shit. That alone proves the sympathy success is still afoot. Anybody in Hollywood is ready to jump on Team Swift, because Kanye took candy from a baby.
Other ways Taylor received sympathy last night: 1) They gave her a total of nine and three-quarters hours worth of acceptance speech time. 2) All the nods. So much nominations. So much nominations. It's unusual for someone so young to get so much Grammy love. She's been here for four years according to WikiP, but still very, very rare. 3) Album of the Year.
Bullshit, if anybody's ever called it. Gaga couldn't get the Best New Artist nod last year (even though Adele was deserving) but Taylor Swift can win the whole shabang? Fuck yo' coloring book and bitch, I'm stealing ya crayons. I'd like Taylor more if she'd acknowledge Attack of the Kanye was somewhat pivotal to her stampeding popularity as fo late. I'd love her if she ate something, looking like Tales of the Crypt 2K10's host. She is skinny. And she's tall as all fuck so a little weight wouldn't make her bad built or nothing. But that's just nitpicking at nothing, I just hate seeing little ass people. It just punches my soul to see decrepit motherfuckers. If I could read thoughts, I'd bet her conscious would be screaming "STOP AT McDONALD'S!" But I digress.
Beyonce should have won but she wasn't the most deserving. Ever since GaGa premiered it's been a mad mad rush of STFU to anybody else in a room with her. Mainly cause of the 'fits, but she can sing tickle the keys. Sing, play piano, and look a hot mess in the good way? Fuck your life, Alicia Keys. Boss up. I'm just saying, though. In comparison, talent and material wise it was I thought all favors pointed at Gaga.
But since, Kanye's Greatest Success Story won... No, thanks.
This blog is satirical, or at least it tries to be. Using a fictional PERSONA we clown and wild out and pause and no homo and all that good shit. Even though it may seem like otherwise, I am not the real Julez. This is the part of the show where I tell you that this blog is not affiliated with the Knowles. Not Solange. Not Mathew. Not Julez. Not Beyonce. Not Tina. Maybe Kelly. No, just kidding. She's busy. Read that again with a straight face. So if you were wondering, it's not a Knowles affiliated site. And if Solange is reading this, sawwy! Like your hair.
