I didn't do my annual Mother's Day post for Solange. Before you new readers get all up in arms, it's not a post from "Julez" to Solo. It's a post from The Management aka Person Behind The Pimp thanking Solange for being an awesome from what we can see and not making us shut this site down, suing in the process.

I don't know why I didn't make the post. I said I was gonna do it and Mother's Day came and left and I'll be damned... No post. If you're Solange and if you're reading this... Sorry. I like your hair, though. If you're from the Creole Camp and you're reading this, Hottie blink. Why are you here? Are they paying you? I'm willing to trick for a few dollars myself...

But I digress.

The point of this post and why it has to do with Mother's Day is this... Quincy Jones, Al B Sure Nigga With The Hair All Wavy Junior, made a Global Grind post about Mother's Day and his ratchet ass lifegiver/attention whore mom. Being an attention whore himself, I'm sure they get along wonderfully and that's where the love continues because they have the same ambitions of being famous by association. That MUST be why they are so weird together. Because... This shit right here...

I chose to express my love and devotion to my Mother, not only by presenting her with gifts and verbal means of appreciation, but by sharing my LOVE for her with the WORLD; A KISS!

Mother son kisses are harmless. But at a certain age, you and your child have to stop making out in public.

I don't know, but XXL has Drake looking like Obama found a way to procreate with Bruce Willis. The Black Sarah Jessica [self-proclaimed, I don't coast sign] and labelmate The Actor Formerly Known as Aubrey Graham cover May's XXL after being passed up for the Freshmen cover last year, according to STREET ANTHEM. And this shit...

Michael Jackson is a prophet and I respect him entirely, but he's gone to the greater good. That's sad and all but now not nahn Jackson is in my way of taking over the world. Especially since Jermaine's Oil of Olay seed are busy taking each other out. Jafaar snuck up on Jermastey from the blind side like Cheaters! And cussed! Simpletons

Cut the check via RHYMES WITH SNITCH.

The paparazzi and shit be all on a nigga and this is what happens. I'm flattered, but stop stanning. Stanning will never amount to anything but all the money and time you waste on a motherfucker that ain't studying you and probably wouldn't unless they were paid to. Peep the 52 second mark. Is that Cousin Angie and that guy from... y'know... that team?

SIDEBAR FROM THE MANAGEMENT: Baby Daniel stans? Really? Before you start talking shit, I'm not a stan. I'm the parody.

Please pay attention to the sixteen second mark, because you'll never hear him call himself Aubrey Graham ever in the history of ever again.

I remember hearing Drake rap, before he was "Drake". This was a while ago, before MySpace was even hot. I think it was on a song called City Is Mine and a line from it went something like: "You lookinglike a hater and I'm something like a waiter. With treys in both hand, take ya order, I can cater." If you don't get it, I feel sorry for your mother. But that's when I really thought he was a good rapper, but I didn't see him ever being mainstream. Mainly because he had that pesky past of "acting" to hold him back. But he sure proved me wrong.

About him hopping over to Young Money? Eh... I wasn't keen to it at first. Ex-actor hanging with a buncha ex-cons? I didn't see it, but eh... Proved me wrong again. Thats the thing about Young Money. I gotta hand it to 'em. Weezy F Crazy showed up in 2009, but I don't see Young Money as a label as much as I see them as a conglomerate. They not just looking for one type of rapper, much like other crews and labels have done in the past. Murda Inc was East Coast thuggetry that wasn't mainstream and boring as fuck. Disturbing Tha Peace was just a bunch of Luda's teabagged lackeys. I'd like to take this opportunity to say Luda is short. DAMN LUDA IS SHORT. The camera adds 10 pounds and apparently 5 to 6 inches of height. But I digress. I wanna just get to the point. Young Money is employing bunch of different kindsa rappers. You got Weezy, who is um... Weezy, Nicki who is mainstream as fuck but still a nice rapper, Tyga who is supposedly West Coast but is more of a Southern-East Coast hybrid material-wise, you got Drake who is borderline mainstream/borderline this:


And then you got the rest of them niggas whose name you don't know.


Back to Drizzy Drake Rogers. He once thought having a Benz and Beemer as a first car was pretentious, but if you ballin' like that... INDULGE. I wonder if that Acura will show up lyrically on Thank Me Later which is scheduled to drop any year now. He gave his Bubbe [is that nigga Jewish?] chocolate for cash. That's kinda like selling drugs, because I guess the chocolate could kill her. Knock on wood. Absentee father = Black card, for those mad at his biracial steeze. He said here he not about material possession, but still every now and again we gotta go on a 24-hour champagne diet.

Now you know who Drake was before he knew what a haircut was.

Get into this GloWorm going hard. His tuna on fire and his shit don't stank! The water bottle part? I can't hate. I sweated just watching him sweat. I was waiting for a Leyomi drop so I could see if my ground shook like his would have in the vid, too but... wish in one hand, shit in the other. Which fills first?

Jori sends me shit like this all the time. Yet, I still reply to her tweets like she's a real friend. I hate you a little more each day, Jori.

Although, Wayne is slated to go in when T.I. comes out [jail... I meant jail.], that doesn't mean he can't drop a few records beforehand. The homie ROBO3K Lil' Mama bounced us a track of Wayne and 'Em and well... I'll let Robo tell ya what happened.

Ok, so here’s what happened. Wayne called Em and was like, “Ayo… come hop on this track!” and then Em was like, “Only if I can murder you on your own song…” and Wayne was like, “Mmmm… Promethazine!” and then Em murdered Wayne on his track.

And there it is.

Welcome to the 300th post. While the jury is still out on whether I have a life or not, I thought I'd bring something different to the table. And by different I don't mean that lady called Mom. I mean Dollface.

If you thought B. Scott had a lock on the androgynous vlogger game somebody told you wrong. I would co-sign DollFace but he has a "Beyonce is Overrated" video so... Yeah. I won't spend all my "hard-earned time" on this for too long, but the shit abovve? Quoteables galore... Get into it before Frankie does.

You see that? That's real ostrich fur. Only the best for my Creolians.

Over the weekend, I've heard Drake being called: a) a foot b) handsome c) a dog d) translucent. And the latter came from my mouth [RE: homerow key]. But has it bothered Big Wheel Brooks? Hell nah. This hound dog went hunting with Elmer Fudd and whatever avian animal they slaughtered, he got a fur coat out of the deal. And that's just one of the perks from being man's best friend.

...in high school you was the man homie. What happened to you !?

Apparently, the Smart Guy himself, Tahj Mowry, is a actor turnt sanga and shit these days. He phoned this shit in and his call needs to drop. In the words of the great JORIDIOR, when you become a hasbeen actor, "Start a family. Milk a goat. Eat a dick. Goodbye."

Marcus, Yvette, Mo', Mackey, Ray Campbell, SOMEBODY... come get TJ, stat!

Your favorite rapper's favorite rapper A Pup Named Scooby Drake has dropped yet ANOTHER video. That's right, folks! You heard right. Wheelchair Drizzy is on his grizzy. Nice to see him staying busy while on bedrest for his lil' "slip-up". This fool gon' get enough of not listening to the doctor 'til they cut his leg off, no diabetes.

Cut the check, mayne.
Until then, enjoy the full clip. I'm sure it's exciting and shit. I ain't have time to view it yet. I'm busy tryna find out why he call himself Drake "Drizzy" Rogers. Is Mista Rogers his Daddy? Is he from "The Neighborhood"? Degrassi my ass. Kudos to his poltergeist hand and its Creole Gymnastic feats.

If you hadn't heard by now, Pretty "Headbussa" Chrissy is getting all exclusive with Omarion. From the looks of things, Chris is tryna prove that even though he doesn't even really know him, he still wants to take him shopping and he isn't a lame and big shit is, in fact, popping.

But let's just call a spade a "spade" and save Omari from a lil' Heartbreaks and 808. Chris don't want nor love  you. He just saw 5Ton4Head with Drake, drinking apple juice and gin and trading Yugi-Oh cards and had to hit her where it hurts. The heart. Not the eye.

I, honestly, don't give a fuck... I just like seeing Granny all happy.


Expect this gif to become a mainstay here at LCP.

And I stole this BIG ASS pic from GREG'S playground.