The paparazzi and shit be all on a nigga and this is what happens. I'm flattered, but stop stanning. Stanning will never amount to anything but all the money and time you waste on a motherfucker that ain't studying you and probably wouldn't unless they were paid to. Peep the 52 second mark. Is that Cousin Angie and that guy from... y'know... that team?

SIDEBAR FROM THE MANAGEMENT: Baby Daniel stans? Really? Before you start talking shit, I'm not a stan. I'm the parody.

I just... I tr... Wh.... Click play. Blame FIVE27.

If everybody would kindly stand back and allow KeKe Wyatt's Gateway Arch eyebrows through the room. The Duchess of Daggers is back with a lukewarm single and I wanna be one less.The song ain't nothing to go crazy over and the Dollar Menu video has me, Geisha, and Scarlett all tumbling with laughter.

Keke, are you married? If not, you should be. That way Alicia Keys can steal yo' nigga, then you can get on Twitter and go crazy about it. Enjoy your shift at Zaxby's. Just put all the cutlery back where you found it, before you clock out.

I don't condone the art of stanning. I'd much rather pick my nose until I finger bang my brain. Not a Minaj stan. That Barbie movement and all that other extra shit? Eh. But I do appreciate a good "snap" and all that junk. Nicki Minaj witty punchlines > Rasheeda's fifteenth attempt to go mainstream that goes overlooked by her um... Kayne shrug.

With lines like "Looked at my plane ticket all that bitch said was up," I'm compelled to draw blanks.

Wacka Flocka Flame's version was actually better. The new it girl minus butt period. I'm not ignoring the low budget shoot at all. Yes, I am. She needs to just stick to braiding her in her apartment and playing Evony in her spare time.

Black people, what the fuck gives? I was "enjoying all the drama" my Hadley street-esque life has to offer so I missed out on a multitude of niggardly things that happened in the past days. I wasn't there when Serena was about to turn that Asian lineperson into lo mein. I wasn't there as Kayne snatched that dick away from Taylor Swift and handed it to Tee-Tee. I wasn't there when Obama called him out his name for it. I wasn't there when Llama the Moses repped her set. I was there when Sheneneh caught that snowball to the face though.

[CLICK FOR MORE]

No one gives a flying fuck about your grilled chicken. We just wanted a free meal. Redeem my coupon or discontinue that play dough looking ass yard bird.

Dear Readers of Crunk & Disorderly,

I know that being somewhat anti-social and going against the grain is cool and what's popping in the streets. I know you like to dislike what the vast majority likes and if anything is labeled "The Shit" in any way, shape, or form you hate it.

You bash it.

You hurt its feelings.

You talk about its mother.

You clown it.

You dog it.

You have a field day with it.

That's all good and junk, but do me a favor, won't you? STOP BRINGING BEYONCE'S NAME UP EVERY 30 - 55 SECONDS IN THE DAMN COMMENT BOX!!! Yes, I lurk there when I'm bored and there's no food in the fridge and shit. Yes, I get tired of hearing Beyonce news and seeing her name everywhere. Yes, the stans piss me off, too.

WHY DO YOU THINK ME AND MY HOMIES VOLUNTARILY GOT BANNED FROM BEYONCEWORLD?

If you don't like her, why is she always so damn relevant? If you don't like her, why is she your opening joke in a new post's comment box? EVEN WHEN THE POST HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER!?!? If you don't like her, why are you putting a ring on it? You understood that failed joke, didn't you? Why? Because you've been busy giving Beyonce all of your precious attention, but then again --- your attention is too good for Beyonce. You already mad,  you gotta breathe the same air she does, so when somebody [who admittedly doesn't like her] reminds me of her existence, I wonder. I don't get it. Not one bit.

I know it's what's popping in the street to talk about her breath, questionable taste, vapid mind, blank stare, wig collection and all that jazz, but come the fuck on... do you really not like her? You've studied her bounce, for Christ's sake. Now you're tryna tell me, you don't like the bitch. I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!

If Nivea was sitting in the corner, smoking a blunt, watching Rihanna and Tyra Banks headbutt one another to the death, you'd find some way to make Beyonce relevant to all of this.

"Rihanna could win if Jay let her wear one of Beyaki's wigs."

How close was that?

I understand it partially. You don't wanna like Bey, because then you'd probably kinda feel like a stan [or be accused of being one]. That's perfectly understandble. Stans are the worse and they do nothing for the advancement of the Creoled. I, myself, may, IN FACT, be a stan. Until further, notice I'm in between... From where I'm standing I wants nothing to do with stannism, stanhood, stannery, or stanship. Stans ain't shit! They just like niggas. THEY DON'T APPRECIATE SHIT! So in your quest to not be associated with stans, C&D Readers, you find yourself throwing salt on Beyonce's pork rinds in hopes of raising her blood pressure, sending her into a possible stroke. You hate her, so folks won't hate you.

This sounds like a Mean Girls sequel if Mean Girls were a bunch of 18 - 30 somethings, at work slacking off, fucking up the economy, wondering why the fuck they bank account emptier than a Kelly Rowland intimate gathering...

I close this random rant with some simple questions.

Don't you stan for Fresh? Why do you say Beyonce's name on the daily? Why is Beyonce so fucking relevant? I know Matthew is pushing her down your throats but gahdamn!

313-720-3541.

That's T-Baby's number... HERE'S her Myspace. Call that heffa and tell her to blame it being so cold in the D on global warming.

UPDATE: I sent her one fucking text and now she keep calling me. I'm finna send Millie by the D.

FIRST READ THIS...

For serious, mayne? For serious? It's like that? Hoo banging at the mall? What the eff? Is they mad that one crew ran up in Dilliard's knowning damn well that they home turf is at the Foot Locker on the opposite wing of the buidling?

It's like that? For serious? If so... I need to get BIG TON on the horn and head down to my local mall. You can find him posted outside of Hibbet's mean mugging. I'ma be in Gamestop playing that new Grand Theft Auto. Come fuck with ya boy.

I have no idea what's going on. Don't even ask. Back to my coloring book.

CLICK HERE FOR THE SAD, SAD AUDIO

Warning: this audio is of Young Buck displaying an extreme willingness to fuck for tracks. He is seriously on Mushmouth's nuts. Mushmouth only speaks at the end but you can clearly hear what proposition he has in my for Buck. If you see Buck on the street please pick up the nearest trashcan, bash him across the knees and tell that nigga man up or STOP BITING THE HAND TO FEEDS YOU! That's what got you into this mess.

Okay... this story is SO crazy...

According to my homie COCOABELLA:

Prosecution's testimonies were suspended in light of this new addition to the trial.The man's name is Damon Pryor, and he is expected to completely discredit the prosecution's star witness' testimony. He is set to claim that it is in fact himself who is in the video-- not Kelly, and that he often posed as R. Kelly in order to sleep with young girls.

Ion't believe it one bit.

Some random nigrum is just gon' come out with it after about six years and go I'm guilty.

And at such a convenient time. Not the first... Not the second... But the third time the trial has been brought to court, this man finally drudged up enough courage to turn himself in?

A LIE!

R. Kelly ain't got that much money to make me do no nigorant shit like this.

Hopefully the jury got they side-eye game on smash. Because every word this nigrum spouts, I'd be looking at him like:

There's something big going on in the world today. No, not the NBA Playoffs, but I am rooting for both the Lakers and the Celtics to make it to the finals.

I'm talmbout the R.Kelly trial. Yes, it finally happened. It's been taking place for a few days (to my knowledge) but I ain't that deep into politicking and controversy so I kept my nose out of it.

But then I saw the tape.

What the eff? Nigga, that is YOU!

And it seems like The Pissy Pied Piper is getting desperate. This happened in today:

Kelly's lawyer Sam Adam Jr. has suggested that an alleged sex tape featuring the R&B star could have been created using the special effects technology from the film Little Man.

Kelly - currently standing trial on child pornography charges - saw his lawyer argue to the court that a video showing him allegedly engaging in a sex act with an underage girl may have been tampered with using computer graphics.

During the defence's cross examination of the victim's friend Simha Johnson, Adam asked the witness if she had seen the film Little Man.

He said: "They put the head of Marlon Wayans on a midget and it looked real, didn't it?"

Jamison replied "Not really!", causing the courtroom to erupt into laughter.

[SOURCE]