For technicolor wigs and lacefronts [©Beyonceitis], visit BARRETTV on Youtube. For intense fuckery peep the vid above. I promise you life is over and the end is nigh, because suing people from YouTube on TV is the next "have a baby by Wayne, baby. Be a Young Money female recording artist". These niggas got 500 hunnid to appear on Christina's Court. Person Behind The Pimp is about to sue Solange* for emotional damages due to my paranoia that she is out to shut down my site.

SIDEBAR: Barret was supposedly suing Tiger Woods lil' brother**, but don't quote me on that.

*Jokes. Please don't sue me. I'm DEAD broke.
**More jokes. Tell me they don't favor each other though.

...news at eleven. But right now, let's talk about something that may actually happen.

Taylor Swift may snatch us all bald in 2010. Me. You. Yo' momma. Yo' cousin too. Why? Ion't know. Blame Kanye. Blame Beyonce. I mean, really. Blame them. Some drunk man gave a drunk rant on national TV about some Marmalade being did dirty and it aired back to back in one night and was scrutinized like a motor scooter the following days. INTO OBLIVION! Not that it got on our nerves or anything.

But that's neither here nor there.

Taylor Swift is blowing the fuck up. Don't get me wrong. Miss Swift was well on her way to super stardom... In her respective genre. She was killing the game. The country game. She was selling more than any other relevant, semi-relevant, and otherwise bitch in the game. Any game. Country. Hip-Hop. R&B. New Jack Swing. Jacks. Uno. House. Any game imaginable. Taylor's record "Fearless," available on iTunes, Amazon, and my trunk was selling. She was selling records. Selling 'em out! Fearless was selling out like Micheal Steele.

But that's neither here nor there nor Wal-Mart, where Fearless is also available.


Taylor was something to fuck with. Now naturally, if Taylor wished to sell music to a broader audience of people in this day and age, only one thing would have crossed the minds of the people backing her. Crossover appeal. Now I'm not sure if Fearless was that album or not, because I'm not big on my Taylor Swift or my country music. I've decided that country music isn't my cup of tea, much like time travel. Time travel is too close to yesterday and yesterday is too close to slavery, not saying country music is too close to slavery.

But that's neither here nor there nor Wal-Mart across from Planned Parenthood, down the street, where Fearless, Taylor Swift's CRITICALLY ACLLAIMED album is available for purchasing and leasing.


I keep digressing before I get the chance to get to my point. What this post is about is Grammy night. Beyonce is up for about most of the damn show. Taylor isn't too far behind, and that's quiet alright. She deserves it. She's doing what no other country star managed to do. Become relevant in music's forefront without being the butt of a joke by a majority. Hell, even Miley "Buss It Wide Open And Tell Her Bring The Best Of Both Worlds Back" Cyrus is becoming a lampshade* of her own self.

My problem is... Taylor's success was earned yet given to her. Kanye's antic caused many a motherfucker to pity Taylor. Now I don't know about you, but I know about us. Speaking on behalf of the fine people in the Chama Affialites, "You can take your pity and shove it." Pity is stupid. Sympathy's cool. Pity? Pity is what I feel for Ciara and LeToya. They working for it, but can't get it and they just look silly which makes me feel bad for 'em. Pity is what I feel for Usher's post-marriage career. Guesting on Gucci Mane tracks when you were once the shit in your own right(s)? I guess.

But that's neither here nor there nor Wal-Mart which is on the way to Planned Parenthood which is not too far from Checkers where the album's release party will be held. Hopefully. Which is where Taylor Swift's Fearless is being handed to those who purchase any combo meal on the menu.


Taylor has risen to stardom, respectively. Her backers have done well by her. Kayne did her a huge favor. MTV, The View, Ellen, Helen, Gellin', Melon all hyped up the affair, which seemed appropriate at the time, but in hindsight. I mean like... why? John Mayer said it best.

“If you just woke up now [after sleeping under a rock for a quarter decade Patrick Star style. -LCP] and you looked at the backlash on Kanye you’d think that he actually firebombed the stage."

I doubt we'd been this hateful towards bin Laden if we ever found him lounging in Sunshine Cab Company's garage, where he's really hiding. Okay, maybe not. But dammit the persecution of Yeezy would be the equivalent to the prosecution of bin Laden. I'm telling y'all! He is on the set of ABC's Taxi, chillaxing and shit!

But that's neither here nor there nor Wal-Mart some hundred miles outside of 30 Rockerfeller Plaza, which is surprisingly located near a Planned Parenthood, where Taylor Swift's album "Fearless" is being hocked by a street vendor.


I swear that's my last time digressing, you guys. The point is this... If another Taylor Swift beats Beyonce in a section of the award (if it's a questionable win)... I mean, let's dig up some old skeletons while we're at it. Beyonce won Video of the Year at the VMAs, yet she lost Best Female Video. If Beyonce had the best video overall, then by the transitive property she had the best female video. Matter fact... FUCK IT.

I digress. Yes, I digressed. I said I wasn't, but I lied. I digress.

If that shit happens again, believe you me. Taylor be nimble. Taylor be quick. Taylor gon' prove why they call her swift. Also Kanye is nom'd, but I'm sure they'll fuck him over since the world is not through torturing him. Anytime YT has a chance to torture the dark butts, YT does it.

*Lameshade hanging (or simply lampshade) - any element that threatens the audience's willing suspension of disbelief by calling attention to it... and then moving on. [SOURCE: TvTropes]

Knowing that PETA don't get along with my family, this is what you do, Nia? They keep takin' all the good jobs, huh, Nia? If it comforts you any, I mistook Tamala Jones for you earlier today.

Keep it moving, people.

I'm sorry. I usually don't do this. I usually leave these kinda posts up to that other BLOG, but I'm getting sick of Jenny Craig flunkees and the facially unfortunate. And it's been one of them days...

I like it when people say, Beyonce never wrote one lyric she ever sang. Were you there when the song was being written? You know this for a fact, then right? Sure...

Songwriters don't need to sit down and write a song with an artist to have a hit song. They can write a song, in its entirety and shop it around. If it lands into a big name's hands, it may be rewritten. That's how said artists gets writing cred. Just because the song wasn't their brainchild, doesn't mean they don't deserve credit. If me, you, Keisha, and Shameka was all in the same science class and had a group project due and Shameka came up with the idea and Keisha came up with how we were gonna present and me and you did the bulk of the work that made everyone like it, don't you think me and you deserve as much credit for the project as the two bishes that birthed it?

But I digressed from the point altogether.

Choreographers come up with the dance routines. I don't know if they watch a video and go, "I'ma steal that bitches move, right there. That shit there shaaaaarp!"  I don't know this. I wasn't there when they birthed the idea, neither. All I know is when I saw it, I liked it, and I wanted to do something like it. Now that I think about it, I think that's how they came up with the idea for their routines. I don't know what you expect from an artist like Beyonce. I don't know why you expect her to write her own songs. I don't know why you expect every dance she does to be her own brainchild. I don't know why you expect her direct, produce, write, and hold the boom stick and cue cards in everything she acts in, neither. I don't know why you expect her sell weed, babysit, and do hair all in the same house, on the same night. Maybe you just expect more from her than you do everybody else.

This lady (questionable) sat there and said Beyonce stole somebody song and running 'round talking about she made so much money off it. In which interview did she say this? What channel? What day? What time? When, motherfucker, when!?

I need answers.

One more tidbit that kinda made my day was when she said she knew ladies in her church who could outdo Beyonce if given the same whatever(s). What are they doing that's stop them? Maybe they have jobs. These jobs may be holding them back from singing and dancing, because that's what they truly wanna do, but only get the proper showcase when they're in church singing for the Lord. I don't know. Maybe they just don't have the same drive and ambition. Maybe they never got the chance. Maybe they don't give a fuck. Like me, for example cause I really don't give a fuck.

She says people send demos to Matthew Knowles, hoping for their big break. Hmm?

Wouldn't it be something, if I sent a demo to the manager of Beyonce, regardless that he's her father. Sure, he'll listen to it and contact me and tell me how much he loves it and sort out time to see about me and mine. Sure... he has that kinda time.

HE IS BEYONCE'S MANAGER, YOU DUMBASS!!! He ain't got but a shit grip of time to himself. He is a busy motherfucker, so I doubt he has time to check snail mail that you send him. He has to sort her laundry, buy her wigs, yell at motherfuckers for for her, and watch Solange's son before he burns down the damn house. In comparison, what the fuck have YOU done lately.

Around this moment of the video, I stopped watching. Truth is my browser decided it had had enough of her shit, as well, and froze. After I restarted it, I decided I really didn't give a fuck about her and her opinions and my life would be okay if I just didn't finish listening to the fuckery.

But if you can manage to ignore the wreath she added, resizing itself to match her Gina Waters sized head, be my guest...






One of the labels was brought to you by [YOUNG SINICK]

Niggas. Don't. Preciate. Shit.


I understand that you hungry and all that jazz, but my peoples... Wal-Mart never runs out of food. Stop being so damn greedy and lazy and care yo' ass to the grocery store and find some chicken to fry YO DAMN SELF!? You feel me? No? Well, maybe I'm not clear 'nuff.

POPEYE'S IS NOT OBLIGATED TO FEED YOUR FAMILY*, HO! THIS AIN'T ABOUT YOUR FAMILY! THIS AIN'T ABOUT YOUR FAMILY HO!

Talmbout Popeye's don't wanna make no money? Bye, Felicia. They made enough, they obviously sold out. Sure the price was ridiculously low. Sure. Why not go get you and "your family" [I see you big guy at 0:50] a nice box to bring home? Would these people rather Popeye's stay open, so they can walk in and Keishanana at the front counter tell them they ran outta chicken? They'd be ready to pull KeKe smooth across the counter.

My people. We have got to do better.


*Tee-Tee had first dibs. Fuck off.