Last year was... Bruh. I don't think I have to go over the craziness this year gave us.

If it wasn't for Lockup marathons, I wouldn't even bother getting outta bed. That's fucked up, yo. Me? The Duke of Dance, Prince of Party, heir to the Kreole Dynasty not wanting to get up and log on and steeze and walk the streets of Hadley and steeze or bust up in the day care and STEEZE!? I blame y'all.

All of y'all. Bloggers. Non-bloggers. Pseudo-celebs. Celeb-celebs. Formspring. All of' y'all. I feel like this random rant is only proper because you niggas and bitches and nukkabitches need guidelines to live by in this post-Y2K world.

1. For starters, if you personally know a celebrity [hoping you're not whoring for it yourself] tell them to STOP WITH THE BULLSHIT. You wanna know what made celebrities so... great? The mystery. Prior to today's media obsessed world filled with stalkerazzi and Twitter rants, we didn't know show about celebs if they or their people didn't tell it. You never watched Living Single, back in the day, and said "I can't stand Kyle because T.C. Carson is so gay. I can't get over that video of him voguing at the club I saw on YouTube." Of course, you didn't. We didn't know shit besides what we speculated, so what was... simply was what we got. What we got was what we saw. With any kinda entertainment, not just TV. Music. Fashion. Movies. All that.

Nowadays? It's like the more I know about these attention whore celebs the less I like them. The days before stannery, celebs were idols not in the sense that we looked up to them, but in the sense they were semi-perfect and did a damn good job in entertaining us. Today, celebs do more entertaining behind the scenes (unintentionally, but I could be wrong) as opposed to their um... day jobs. So how 'bout this? The celebs with potential go get some business that's not calling paparazzi for flicks, sending bloggers press releases and tweeting their cringe-worthy mundaneness. Creole! When ya lowkey real good.

2. If you wanna stand out in life, BE NORMAL. There are some people who are truly different. From the roota to the toota, they are strange on accident and don't care. They barely acknowledge it and it wouldn't ever get acknowledged if WE didn't bring it up. Most people though? Nope. They see a trend and try to set it but too late. Their quest to be different is everybody else's quest, too. In the end no one's really different. Everybody blends and the only ones that stand out are the ones frown up you and your highlighter hues and your Blade fade with the sew-in bang and the skinny jeans and your bumblebee eyelid locs. Tryna be Confucius and Solange and get a reality show and all that at the same time? You're thirtsty and by the time you get your shot, I hope you drown.

3. I don't know why but EVERYBODY WANTS CELEBREALITY these days. Regular folks with regular folk skills should have regular jobs. You aren't a rapper. You just see Lil' Wayne and 'nem doing it. You cannot act. You just wanna be on TV. You not important nor are you interesting. You don't deserve a reality show. How come nobody wants to be a doctor or a lawyer or a crocodile hunter anymore?

That's all I ask for in 2010. Less Ochocinco, more Johnson. Less Barbie, more accent. That's it.

: )

GaGa is known for putting on bird's nest, zebra hair and a giant pacifier and calling it fashion, so until viewing this video I didn't know what her face looked like. And after seeing it, I'm sure I'm gonna die in seven six days a la The Ring. While you count the minutes 'til our [you watched too, don't lie], let's list things Gaga looks like by the face.

-CARIDEE ENGLISH
-BLOSSOM [But that's not in my OPINIONATION]
-Captain Hook
-The Candy Man's hook
-Something I saw in Happy Feet
-Johnny Cage's elbows
-Synclaire after a Vodka Stinger
-The key Queen Latifah wore around her neck on Living Single [I'm sure I read this in The Bocks about Lil' Kim's nose, but I'm not sure to whom deserves the credentials.]
-My Momma after a Sammy Sosa
-Pretty much Amy Winehouse but blonder and less emaciated
-The family of squirrels living in Winehouse's beehive

Your favorite rapper's favorite rapper A Pup Named Scooby Drake has dropped yet ANOTHER video. That's right, folks! You heard right. Wheelchair Drizzy is on his grizzy. Nice to see him staying busy while on bedrest for his lil' "slip-up". This fool gon' get enough of not listening to the doctor 'til they cut his leg off, no diabetes.

Cut the check, mayne.
Until then, enjoy the full clip. I'm sure it's exciting and shit. I ain't have time to view it yet. I'm busy tryna find out why he call himself Drake "Drizzy" Rogers. Is Mista Rogers his Daddy? Is he from "The Neighborhood"? Degrassi my ass. Kudos to his poltergeist hand and its Creole Gymnastic feats.

If you hadn't heard by now, Pretty "Headbussa" Chrissy is getting all exclusive with Omarion. From the looks of things, Chris is tryna prove that even though he doesn't even really know him, he still wants to take him shopping and he isn't a lame and big shit is, in fact, popping.

But let's just call a spade a "spade" and save Omari from a lil' Heartbreaks and 808. Chris don't want nor love  you. He just saw 5Ton4Head with Drake, drinking apple juice and gin and trading Yugi-Oh cards and had to hit her where it hurts. The heart. Not the eye.

I, honestly, don't give a fuck... I just like seeing Granny all happy.


Expect this gif to become a mainstay here at LCP.

And I stole this BIG ASS pic from GREG'S playground.

My Granny said that Tee-Tee is chunking deuces after this Sasha Fierce shit is done with so my momma can take her spot as the head Knowles in charge.

My Pop Pop told me that it was against his best interest to let Tee-Tee retire, but Granny had put it on him SO good one night, he just couldn't say no. He had her saying "No, don't stop" or some shit like that....

My Cousin Angie said she's tired of carrying around the brown paper sack full of Fire Engine No. 3 red lip gloss.

My Aunt Kiz said she admires any choice that Tee-Tee makes and she hopes that she can find a cigarette mascot to snatch her up, put a ring on her, knock her up, and pay her way on the senior citizen discounted price when they go to the picture show.

That Millie chick said she wants some time off but the Wig Crypt needs her now more than ever.

That Rihanna chick said "This baahd. This 'ery, badman. No way me get Grammy now daht she bahck. What I do? What I do? Muhdda, told me days like this come. I seen I shoulda lissen."

That Sandra Rose chick said, "At night. When ya for and I'm alone. I feel the fabric of your freakum dress flow over my body."

That Beyonceitis fool gone say I pimped his style and jacked his swagger.

What is you gone say?