Look at Shaq's new bust it baby...

Some chick named Jerzee Monet (according to my ex-Bust It Baby FRESH)... I asked my big cuz Angie who the fluck who is she and she told me Jerzee peaked before my time. Either that or she fell off the charts faster than an Amerie single. CHEAP SHOT!

Chick is busted.

Anyways... Time to hustle.

Jerzee, my granny wants to know if we can interest you in a top-of-the-line, faux conflict free yaki lacefront (for the females ballin' on a budget). Don't worry about the costs. You can put it on layaway or open a free Wamu checking account and deposit every paycheck you get until you can afford one. I'm sure TGIFridays pays their bus-boys and bus-girls well.

Scared, Chris? Is you scared? What? You think I got some goons disguised as the paparazzi out to get you. Damn skippy!!!

This ain't over, punk!

I'll straight smash 5Ton4Head's friend though. No lie. But, real talk... that slumped posture make her look like a depressed turtle.

I'ma ask my Daddy to buy me a Nick Jr. hoodie. Does my daddy even have a steady paycheck coming in?

STOP CRASHING OUR AWARDS SHOWS!!! It's the Kid's Choice Awards. Stay your over 16 asses at home. If you can't wait for the Teen Choice Awards or the BET Awards then kill yourself.

And I wanna leave a special message for Rihanna... BITCH STOP IT WITH THE UMBRELLA!!! I'm starting to think that you that Penguin dude from the Batman comic strips.



And Chris?



If I see you on the street, I'm shankin' you and jackin' your hoodie. Nickelodeon isn't for the 18+. You have MTV and VH1. That type of shit. Punk!


Whycome we still ain't seen the spawn of Thing 1 and Thing 2 above? (Nope, that wasn't a Cat In The Hat reference. It was a reference of a reference of Cat In The Hat).

SIDEBAR: Why couldn't they have a Best Thug in '08 or Best Carjacker in a Suburban Neighborhood of '08 category. I was a shoo-in!

You will not catch me cranking that Neverland. I ain't tryna be a victim of "The Michael Jackson touched me" tirade. You gots to feel me. But if you one of those crankheads, that's running 'round I provided a link where you can listen (and download) the track.

My big cousin called me this morning and screamed through her Fisher-Price play phone, "Leona Lewis must be stopped. Bitch is number one."

I didn't believe it at first but then I logged onto they site. If you need me, I'll be up in Bobby Buford's Gun Range & BBQ Shack getting a little aim practice in because that heffa must be stopped. Ya dig?

But that isn't the gyst of the situation. I scrolled down just a taste and I saw number three. Ray J? Ray J? Willie Ray Norwood?

Type of shit like this'll make you wanna sprint across the 405 while Brandy is speeding in a 18-wheeler. I'm telling you... people across the country are fulfilling suicide pacts behind this shit.

A 3 year old ain't s'pose to be subjected to such fuckery. And since I was subjected to this... Billboard Charts has been blacklisted.

Pimping ain't exactly a walk in the park. Every now and then I like to kick my feet up, hop in my Fisher-Price recliner, pop open a can of Mad Dog (that'll getcha right) and just relax. I also frequent blogs 'cause y'know... I'm 'hood like that. My day was pretty fine until I came cross this:

Combating bitchassness, eh?

Pot, meet kettle.

Tell the twins I wanna holla.

So I know this ain't that thugness that I usually hit y'all with. A thug has Good Friday off and I'ma hit up Daytona Beach for BET brings it's trifling ass down there with that Spring Bling shit.

But I digress.

Teyana Taylor... what can I say 'bout shawty right here. Folks is jocking her holla'n 'bout she ain't no Lil' Mama. I find that to be a good thing. I mean, who wants to be the reincarnation of Moses? No I'm sorry... she is Moses (check that birth certificate again, Niatia). Teyana has a helluva strong jaw but at least she ain't all leathery in the face > Lil' Mama. Still waiting for her to smile with her eyes though. She looked like she was finna take a nap mid-video. And why did Pharrell get substituted by Omarion. I mean damn... the video already had more colors then a bag a Skittles and you wanna go and throw in Bow Wow's bottom boy in the video.

[Weeds reference]That nigga is gayer than a purse full of rainbows. [/Weeds reference]

The song is still hot though. I rather run 'round shouting Google Me Baby then I would run 'round shouting "It's popping", "[insert lyric from G-Slide (I don't know that shit), or "Spit it like mucous gotta get rid of it".

My girl is a dime piece right?

The chick in the pink. That's my main thang right there. The girl in the back with the stanky dreads, she my sideline. I holla at her when my main thang ain't acting right. The lil' white girl... she mad 'cause I stopped calling her.

Big shouts to Tee-Tee for doing me this favor and hooking my chicks up with a photo shoot.

Momma! I can't bump this in my Big Wheel? What I look like coming to the playground holla'n 'bout some "running me, running me, down"... when Dreamgirls dropped they clowned the hell outta me. Now I gotta relive it. I ain't saying it's wack now. It is different from the mess on the radio nowadays (a thug can only crank that shoe polish remover so much)... BUT... Nevermind. I've said too much already.

Let a thug know what y'all think... Talk ya noise.

PS

Pharrell, when y'all gone come through the studio and lay a track down with me for my album.

First of all, I wanna go on record saying this:

THUGS, DON'T BE BUMPING THIS IN YO' RIDE!

Secondly.... the video is sorta extra for a thug like me. I mean... damn MiMi why you throwing nerds in yo' video. You couldn't let JD and 'nem get another cameo. I know Da Brat ain't too busy. I know the Celebrity Fit Club cash has been spent up! (Do they even pay folks on that show? How would I know... I ain't fat.)

But I digress.

I had to full clip this because people is barking about this track and yadda yadda blah blah so and so forth. WHY? I want answers. The lyrics ain't nowhere near some stuff my momma woulda wrote. I mean damn, Mariah... You gave Wendy a shoutout. That's cool and all but YouTube? Why you gone give them free publicity. You need to get on your spokesmodel tip, quick fast and in a hurry.

I know it's tacky to post back-to-back videos but it's Saturday and unlike other bloggers I blog all-flucking-week-long. It's a job. Part time though. I'm just a pre-schooler.

But I digress.

Wayne is my homeboy and this video Grade A Fuckery/Fuck Effort. Still the beat makes the song and I need a new theme song to bob my head to when I'm riding through the hood on my big wheel.

RIP Static.

I know the flu is no joke but if my granny gone get sick then so will you. Are you mad Lil' Rock? Mad? Whatchu wanna do? Next time somebody from yo' camp tries to creep up on a come up... I'ma hit you with something worse. Oh yeah... Baby Daniel is on some ghetto chemical warfare type shit, yaddamean?

Oh yeah, my tee-tee wants to offer your daddy a diamond creme facial. It is seriously needed.

Why the freak was I not alerted of this nonsense. According to my Ex-Bust It Baby, Fresh the dookie-breath medical team that came to see 'bout my Granny is full of shit. They act like my Granny wasn't sick or something. Short of breath? High blood pressure? Wig falling out? Y'all better do something to help her. AND QUICK TOO. Before I start pistol whipping lames. Talmbout it wasn't so serious that they had to rush her to the hospital. What kinda tomfuckery is this?

I'm so mad, I won't attempt to find a pic to complete this post. I'm emotional right now so don't expect to see me on the playground tomorrow.

Damn, tee-tee. You act like you couldn't bring me back no cajun rice or nothing. A biscuit? Corn on the cob or nothing?

Why you gotta do me like that?

SIDEBAR: Why YOU and YOU and ESPECIALLY YOU gotta disturb me from counting my money? Let a thug make his dough, na'mean?

I warned you, son.

I warned you....

Chris Brown got into a scuffle during an after-party at a German nightclub. Supposedly, he decided to go all You Got Served and do a dance-battle against some party-goers, when things got heated.

I warned you.

But nah... you STILL laying up w/ 5Ton4Head. So I sent my homie to deal with you. You thought he was a clubhead just because he can Crank That Batman into a Pop Lock and then Coin Drop? Nah, homie... that's just extra-curricular activities. Homie, mollywhooped yo' ass.

Hahahaha... Nan-nanny-boo-boo!

[SHOUTS TO THEFURY FOR THE STORY]

Lil' Rock has been blacklisted for a while now, but I had to make it official.

Next time he tries to overthrow me and my turf, I'ma choke 'em. The jungle gym belongs to me, kid. Stay on the monkey bars with the other lames.

Speaking of my enemy....

You ain't gangster.

You couldn't last a day in here:


But you probably could kick it with them in they joint:


LOCKDOWN: LADIES EDITION

Keep dissing me in yo' comment box and me and Justin gone have to fight.

Tell him to stop get lap dances from MY hoochies...


And tell him to stay off of MY side of the playground. I'm the only light-skindid pimp allowed on the jungle gyms and swing set around them parts.

If y'all refuse to reply, I know a root that'll make you look like a bat with buckteeth (SEE Babs from Making The Band) for the rest of your lives!


Yep, Granny done put a playa on to her rootbox game.

I have to just be a good person and let somebody know when they making a complete fool of they self. Now I may not be the right person to tell somebody ANYTHING without sounding like a hypocrite, but I think it's fair to say this:

MOMMA, GOSATCHOSSDOWN RIGHT NOW!

What the fuck mom? HadleyStreetDreams? I ain't even gone go there withchu because I know you my ride to the playground every weekend but let's not bring up Solo Star. I know it was before my time and all but 90,000 copies? Let's get serious. Unless you gone drop and give the Billboard charts people 50 just stop.

But if you are to go through with this new project riddle me this: who gone be there to feed me? Millie? Millie forgot to feed me last night, Momma. The Spaghetti-Os is still in the microwave. THEY STILL THE MICROWAVE! I CAN'T REACH THE MICROWAVE!

Chris. Chris. Chris.

At first we was friends. We wasn't THAT cool but you was on my good side. I ain't never had to smack you into next Tuesday or nothing. You was cool with my peoples too. Jay talked me into doing a track with you on my upcoming debut album "Pimping Ain't Easy". I was gone do it, too.

But then I saw this

How you gone disrespect my family like that, bruh? You know we boycotting 5Ton-4Head. You know this. What you think I took a bat to her limo at the Grammy's for nothing. Do you know we had that place LOCKED DOWN? Do you know I got a crew consisting of Brooklyn Beckham and my main squeez Zahara Jolie-Pitt? Do you know that she don't play that shit? Do you? Do you? She was your biggest fan! She got a sippy cup with your pic on it. She didn't even believe the rumors about you and your manager. She was ready to cut a bitch, though. Took the barrattes out her head and everything, just ready to fight. But I digress.

Now, I'm not the type to shank folks all willy-nilly, but I got my eye on you. Consider your next single to be a Billboard flop. My grandaddy will make sure of it!