Sorry for the delay, folks.

Tee-Tee was spose to perform with Usher but some technical difficulties prevented it. By technical difficulties I mean we ran into Aretha Franklin in the parking lot and Granny had on her fighting wig, coincidentally. Pop-Pop and 'nem at the police station filing reports. The last thing I can remember him saying was, "That hamhock heffa bet not never put her paws on me again!"

UPDATED EVERY COMMERCIAL BREAK.

-Usher performed... I think he was JSetting... I didn't catch it.

-DL Hughley came out and surprisingly made no one laugh.

-J.Hud and A Pimp Named Slickback came out and disgusted anyone with a low tolerance level.

-Some mo' shit happened... I wasn't paying attention. Asnwered the phone. It was Cousin Angie calling from the police station. All I could hear was Pop-Pop in the background yelling, "Well, if you think you so big and bad bring ya' ass over here!"

-Kobe win Best Male Athlete. Oh the fuckery!

-Some of the cast from Boyz N Da Hood presented an award. No one asked for a reunion. Cuba was higher than a star!

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-DownLow Hughley still has NOT made me laugh.

-Queen Latifah sitting by Debra Lee? Y'all see what I see?

-I see Puff The Magic Dragon. No Justin nor Janice Combs in sight.

-Alicia Keys. Yep. That's about it. SWV? A gray and black lacefront on one chick? En Vouge? How is Alicia relevant when these sisters are onstage? I'm anticipating Butta Creme to come out next. TLC! Thank God... somebody finally did something right at BET.

-Niecy Nash... FINALLY SOMEBODY I CAN COSIGN BEING AT THIS EVENT! Why didn't she host this show? Way funnier then DownLow Hughley. Rayneesha Williams saves the show! I consider getting myself some white kids.

-If Uncle Joe don't win Best Male Hip-Hop, I plan on strangling the first person I hear diss The Roc. If Kanye bitch about losing... The only thing I wish... I wish the nigga would. If Gremlin win... I won't care.

-Kanye thanks no one but he does ride Gremlin's dick for like four seconds

-These Baldwin Hills kids CANNOT read. Thank you No Child Left Behind.

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-T-Pain comes out dressed like something out of a Batman comic strip. Straight jacking Ringling Bros game. Some random nigga comes out during T-Pains set. Raps a lil' something. I didn't really pay attention. The real star, Rick Ross's Belly, performs for us. FINALLY, somebody with talent. DJ Khaled still hasn't been deported? More random niggas. T-Pains hypeman can be seen crying in the crowd.

-The cable goes out. I guess SOMEBODY didn't peddle enough ass to pay for it.

-Who the eff nominate Monotone Douglas wins Video Of The Year? UGK and 'nem won for the pimps. RIP PIMP C. UGK and 'nem also won for the great state of Texas.

-Why Bun B's wife think she can give a thank-you? She ain't win shit.

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-Ke-Ke Palmer and Ice Cube are unofficially blacklisted!

-Baldwin Hills = College Hill without the college.

-I get another call from the police station... it's Granny. She wants me to put the phone by the TV so she gon' get prayed up by the sweet, saving sounds of Warren Marvin Sapp. She catches the Spirit via telephone. She then curses out loud when Deitrick Haddon doesn't win.

-Skipping Bible study will ensure a ticket to Hell, Warren Marvin Sapp!

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-Pretty Chrissy... Do I have to even review his fuckery?

-Thank God Ciara ain't singing! Quick shot of Rhi-Rhi. BET tryna start beefs and shit.

-THERE GO MY MAMA! THERE GO MY MAMA! Cassie you aren't worthy.

-Brandon T. Jackson, shut the fuck up. You are as 'bout as funny as DownLow Hughley. Thanks for the Barack reveal. You saved yourself from being blacklisted.

-Best Collabo: Who cares? T-Pain is dumb as a box of bricks.

-Tocarra still work for BET. Go figure. If you look close enough you can see LaTavia showing late guests to their seats.

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-Another corny DownLow Hughley joke.

-John Legend is flooding. Nothing new. Nothing to see here people.

-Commence the Al Green tribute.

-Granny calls again so I can put the phone to the TV so she can "hear her some Al Green". Pop-Pop is still in the back cussing. "That big, nasty slop-hound snatched off my wife's ostrich-feather boa made by Dereon on sale at Dillard's," is all I heard him say.

-If you look close enough behind Al Green you can see Lauren London cooning in her seat.

-Anthony Hamilton busts out in the platinum pants that are apparently taking his blood pressure. A white woman is in the crowd clapping. Who let her in?

-Oh, I'm sorry that's Debra Lee.

-Granny reaches through the phone and slaps me because apparently Debra Lee is Creole. Go figure.

-I thought Maxwell was Jermaine Jackson for a minute. Oops.

-I coulda sworn Al Green was dead. I shit you not. One random nigga is still sitting down when Al Green starts performing. He needs his country ass beat.

-My Granny is 'bout to break the phone from her cauterwailing "Let's Stay Together". Pop-Pop stops cussing and starts juking! "HHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY!!!! That's my shit!"

-I hear Granny hit the floor at, "Something make ya do wrong and make you do right."

-Lil' Kim and Luda all boo'd up in the audience. Somebody need to give that nigga some Valtrex and some AcuVue!

-Al starts cooning. He officially fits right in with the young folks at this point.

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-You can get with this or you can get with that? Black Sheep need to come get they check.

-Even though kanYe wasn't in this category he'll still be throwing chairs and flipping tables backstage that he didn't win the Viewer's Choice Award.

-Weezy won and brings Ye onstage (along w/ the whole state of Louisiana).

-I'm waiting for 5Ton4Head to fall into that fan or at least down the stairs. Looking like a gothic mess. I buy Zahara better dresses than that. Quick shot of Pretty Chrissy... like we needed that.

-Is it me or does 5Ton4Head look like Scar from The Lion King?

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-Debra Leevil is in the building. The coons rejoice.

-My Pop-Pop has a personal rivalry with Quincy Jones so I refuse to clap. I will take this time to put out an APB on Niecy Nash considering Zahara didn't appreciate her jokes towards Angelina.

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-Ashanti... STOP!

-JD is on my bad side. I heard he was the leader of the Lollipop Guild. That's MY title.

-Am I the only one who can't hear Ciara?

-By the time Fergie hits the stage the show starts sucking again.

-I'd marry New-New if I could. But if she keeps reminding me that Diddy got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame I'ma have to disown her.

-Why is we drinking on the job, Diddy? Is Lauren old enough to drink?

-Why wasn't Kizzy nominated for Best Female R&B? I woulda revoked MiMi's nod for Kizzy after MiMi pulled out of her performance.We knew Kizzy wasn't gone win but still... give a sister a chance. She already flopping, what's the worst that can happen.

-Alicia Keys comes onstage wearing beach shells. Instead of thanking God, she dedicates her award to the word "can't" and it's demise. That's sweet... you're going to Hell.

-Weezy Fucking Baby and T-Pain hit the stage. T-Pain subs for the late Static Major? Questionable call.

-Wayne is a dramatic cunt for falling to his knees. Something he's used to?