The other night, my momma had to pull a double at K-Mart so she called over my Aunt Magnesium to babysit me. Aunt Maggy completely ignored me and turned on the TV to something called "Showtime At The Apollo"... At first I dissed it, but then Teyana Taylor came out and straight ripped it.

Immejitly, I thought she was tryna overthrow my tee-tee. But of course, that's not gonna happen so ain't no need in pull out the army guns.

BUT... Teyana can kill a performance, no doubt. And that thicky chick she got dancing with her... SHE GOT A DONK! Watch out Serena! Real talk, at first I thought thicky chick was gon' upstage Teyana but I see they compliment each other. Teyana need to make thicky chick her permanent backup dancer for life.

Now I ain't usually one to sponsor, promote or ya know "not shank" somebody... but Teyana gets the thumbs up. I gotta put her on my "Dolla Menu". Hint Hint.

As for the performance?

Acapellas on the intro... tight.

WHERE YOU AT, MOMMA? WHERE YOU AT? ALL THEM MONIES POP POP SPENT ON VOCAL COACHES? WHERE YOU AT?

Choreography... in sync, on point.

WHILE YOU SO BUSY...SHAKING IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE YOU NEED TO HOLLA AT FATIMA ROBINSON, CIARA, BOOM KAT, CHILI, ROBIN ANTIN OR SOMEBODY WHO CAN AT LEAST POPLOCK?

Rap skills? Flowing like water.

MOMMA, YOU NEED TO GET UP ON THAT LLAMA, KID SISTER, TEYANA TIP AND QUICK. TALKIN' BOUT YO' CHOCHA, KITTY KAT, STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE, BOOTY, AND SAYING "PUSSY SMELL LIKE WATER" ON THE TRACK IS OFFICIALLY OUTDATED. IT'S ALL ABOUT THE SING/DANCE/RAP COMBO, PROVING MISSY ELLIOT IS STILL LIGHTYEARS AHEAD OF THE GAME.

Momma, if you don't boss up then I won't have any other choice but to disown you. Or at least divorce you. Kids can do that nowadays. And if you don't let me divorce you, then I 'll get my boy BIG TON to beat you up at Wal-Mart. He'll do it.