Blacklisted: Akon

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Charcoal Ass Nigrum

I knew he was caking the whole time. Old wanksta ass, lying ass, faking ass bitch. Akon is 'bout as real as a three dollar bill. I was talking to my cousin Angie, around the same time "Smack That Ass" came out, and I told her I don't trust that fool. Something in the chocolate milk ain't clean about that one. I wouldn't trust my apple juice 'round him. Turns out, this fool ain't all he claim to be.

Akon's ad nauseum claims about his criminal career and resulting prison time have been, to an overwhelming extent, exaggerated, embellished, or wholly fabricated, an investigation by The Smoking Gun has revealed. Police, court, and corrections records reveal that the entertainer has created a fictionalized backstory that serves as the narrative anchor for his recorded tales of isolation, violence, woe, and regret. Akon has overdubbed his biography with the kind of grit and menace that he apparently believes music consumers desire from their hip-hop stars.

While the performer's rap sheet does include a half-dozen arrests, Akon has only been convicted of one felony, for gun possession.

Ain't that a bitch in a half... I thought he was a Soul Survivor. He told me he used to push methamphetamine. He said they locked him and wouldn't let him out for doing some BOSS shit. A gun charge. Pligga nease!!!!!! Everybody got an gun illegally these days. I got a gun. They can come charge me and I'll serve a longer sentence than you.

But this part kilt the shit outta me.

Akon spent the next three years in a Georgia prison. While inside, the 150-pound inmate "fought almost every day for two years," in the process becoming a "champion" who prevailed over both big and small inmates because, "I knew where to hit you to knock you out, so I didn't fear you."
Punk ass was scared they was gone jack him for his manhood and bars of Ivory. Ain't shit in my book.


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